Movie Bowl LXXIX

In case you hadn't noticed, the Academy Awards are tonight. The pre-game show has I'm sure been going on for hours on the E! network, and it's apparently set to start at 6:00 pm CST on ABC with the Barbara Walters show (sponsored by Vaseline - "when you're just not a good enough cameraman to create a soft focus on your own"). You can print out your own ballot here.

As for the movies up for awards this year, I have seen zero. None. Nada. Nil. Not one movie. So, based on what I've heard other people are saying, what movies look good in the tv previews, and what titles sound pretty, here are my picks:

Best Picture - from what some critic was saying the other morning on Good Morning America, this is a toss-up. So, what the hell, how about... umm... Little Miss Sunshine, because it's the movie I'm most likely to see anytime soon.

Best Actor - I'm told Forest Whitaker is a shoe-in for this. I'd rather see Will Smith or Leonardo DiCaprio get it though, mainly just because I've actually seen some of their movies.

Best Actress - Helen Mirren for The Queen. Yes, I know I'm really going out on a limb with this one. Oh wait, you mean I'm not? You mean not even the honorary Oscar is this set in stone? Wouldn't it be cool if there was a huge upset and somebody else won? That would be so cool. But if not, that's cool too. The Queen looks like a pretty good movie.

Best Supporting Actor - I think I heard Eddie Murphy is supposed to tag this one, so there you have it. I don't really care. Djimon Hounsou might be kind of cool to win this, he's like a real actor and stuff, not just somebody who did a knock-off James Brown impression.

Best Supporting Actress - Jennifer Hudson, the girl from American freaking Idol. I mean, I know the award is for the best actress in a specific supporting role, but really? You're going to give an Oscar to a one-trick pony? Whatever. I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time.

Best Director - Again, the GMA critic the other day said Martin Scorsese. I could care less. I didn't see any of these movies. I can tell you though that I hope Clint Eastwood does not win. I do, however, hope he brings his mom, the only living person older than he is. (Wait, is she still alive?)

Best Documentary - Again, remember I have seen NONE of these movies. And I'm betting neither did 85% of the Academy voters (with respect to this category), with the exception of An Inconvenient Truth, which I'm sure will win. Just please, Al, don't say you're running for president. Please, please, please, don't run for president.

Short Film - Animated - One last category, just because I have to note that I am shocked Wallace & Gromit wasn't nominated. Wait, they didn't make a Wallace & Gromit short this year? But, but, they've been making Wallace & Gromit shorts since before film was even invented. They win this category every freaking year. Maybe they'll make a special write-in exception and grant the award to a previous Wallace & Gromit short.

So that's it, kids. The rest of the categories I don't care about, and yet, I'm super excited. I love the Oscars despite the fact that in my life I've only seen maybe 10 Oscar-nominated films in the actual years they were released.