Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Stylefeeder.com rules

Look what Stylefeeder bought me! That's right, the nice folks who host the nifty widget at the left had a contest this month where they bought some lucky person a $50 or less item off their stylefeed every day in January, and yours truly was the winner on January 19th.

I added these adorable kid's bottles to my stylefeed because, well, they're adorable. My son's not quite old enough for them yet, but when he is, I'll be ready, and I won't have to head over to Babies 'R Us for the cheap $3 version. (Not that I ordinarily have a problem with that because that's most of what I have. I just prefer designer when I can afford it. Which is never.)

The store selling those bottles, FLAX, is, interestingly enough, the same place where I once bought Amy a "Baroque (adj.): When you are out of Monet" t-shirt. And checking, it appears that they still sell it. I'm impressed, that was like a hundred years ago. Anyway, it still gives me a chuckle: har har.

But I digress. What I really want to say is (1) Thank you, Stylefeeder! You RULE! and (2) don't you want your very own stylefeed too?

A Preview Review

Have you been enjoying previews for the new movie Music and Lyrics as much as I have? Why anyone thought to make this movie is completely beyond me - the formula's been done to death. You can see the trailer here. However, allow me to summarize the movie in a neat, two-paragraph nutshell:

Washed-up pop star meets plant caretaker (wtf?). Plant caretaker comes up with a clever line for one of washed-up pop star's songs. Washed-up pop star tells plant caretaker she's "a born lyricist." (Perhaps one of my favorite lines in the historie of moviedom.) Plant caretaker agrees to help washed-up pop star write one last hit song (again, wtf?), this one for a Britney/Christina type. Plant caretaker and washed-up pop star fall in love (a scene that I'm sure takes place as they sit at the piano and gaze longingly into one another's eyes, suddenly shy and slightly flustered - Hugh Grant does his trademark "aw shucks" shtick, Drew Barrymore giggles and then - they kiss). Scene fades into plant caretaker and washed-up pop star waking up next to each other under the piano (strangely they have pillows and blankets - does that mean they chose to sleep under the piano by actively retrieving bedding from an adjacent room?). Unfortunately, shortly thereafter the glow of new love is dimmed by plant caretaker witnessing an unwanted kiss from a female fan of washed-up pop star and misunderstanding it as juvenile, commitment-phobic behavior - clearly washed-up pop star is not serious about plant caretaker and was just using her. Plant caretaker storms out on washed-up pop star as he bumblingly tries to explain. Washed-up pop star chases after plant caretaker as he throws back one last glance at unwanted female fan, who stands there with a delightedly smug expression.

Plant caretaker refuses to see washed-up pop star or answer his calls. There's a music montage as she cries over her broken heart. Still, the big night for the debut of their super awesome chart-topping pop song is approaching (which from I can tell sounds like some treacly shit from Diane Warren, writer of such nauseating hits as "How Do I Live?," "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing," and "Because You Loved Me"). Reluctantly, plant caretaker decides to attend. On stage and just about to start the performance (a duet between washed-up pop star and Britney/Christina bot), washed-up pop star stops and publicly apologizes to plant caretaker and professes his undying love. Washed-up pop star performs the duet, but he's clearly singing his lines to plant caretaker the whole time as she stands nearby, hands clutched to her chest, all tearful smiles. Turns out washed-up pop star is the man of her dreams. Plant caretaker runs on stage at the end of the song and they share a passionate kiss. Looks like true love has conquered all yet again. They live happily ever after and probably write a dozen more noxious pop hits together.

Now, that was of course conjecture based on (1) previous experience with romantic comedies, (2) Hugh Grant, and (3) the promos and trailers I've seen for the movie which, by the way, comes out February 14th (aww). If anyone reading this actually sees it, please feel free to let me know how awesomely spot on I was.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Harry's Magic Wand


Harry Potter is all grown up. That's right, ladies and gentlemen alike, that young man there is Daniel Radcliffe in the flesh, in the buff, and looking truly yummy. He's starring in a London stage production of Equus, which according to the article features "a lengthy nude sex scene." (Heh, "lengthy.")

Jake and I have discussed the potential legal ramifications involved with a naked 17-year-old boy on stage in a simulated sex act, but believe it or not we're not quite up on the laws in the UK. It's possible that it's (a) not illegal or (b) technically illegal but unlikely to be pursued.

Regardless, just so everybody knows, I don't generally post pictures of men's happy trails, but what can I say - I have a thing for young, thin artistes. Oh, and if you enjoyed that photo, you can totally see more here (!).

(P.S. I held on to this post a half hour after finishing it because I couldn't think of a decent cheeky or clever title. If you have one, please let me know in the comments section.)

Monday, January 29, 2007

A Classic Scrubs Moment

What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?



(Come on, it's 6 seconds long. You've got 6 seconds!)

Fun with Haiku

A few thoughts I've had this morning, expressed in haiku:



  • do you think I could
    get a job at the Floren-
    tine opera
    ? "no."

    As someone's assist-
    ant? Not even an usher?
    Throw a girl a bone.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

From Hell's Heart I Stab at Thee, Best Buy!

Gift cards are great until they force you to interact with a store you hate. I submit to you the (latest) reasons I hate Best Buy:

  1. Before we left for the store this afternoon, I called to find out two things: (1) if the store was selling the camera for the same price as online, and (2) if they would return CDs and/or DVDs without a receipt. Needless to say after five minutes spent either on hold or being transferred to a different department (where no one ever answered), I hung up.
  2. Turns out they've got a new no-returns-without-a-receipt policy that apparently went into effect three days ago. (And I was trying to pawn off unneeded Christmas gifts on them! (Ok, so that may not be a valid reason to hate them.))
  3. BestBuy.com is selling our camera for $269.99. In-store price: $299.99. Foolishly thinking I could get the online price from the store, I asked the teenage sales clerk, who went to confirm with "their website" (actually an elaborate BestBuy.com interface software program) and then had the audacity to suggest that I "had looked at a different site."
  4. We went home, bought the camera online with the "store pick-up" option (for $2fucking69.99) and headed back to the store.
  5. Hey, look at that! There's special parking for people who bought their stuff online and are just picking it up! And no line to wait in! Nope, spoke too soon. Turns out just because there's not a line doesn't mean there's not a wait. I was blatantly ignored by at least two employees (one of whom appeared to be a manager).
  6. I overheard one employee ask another what to do about an irate woman on the line upset about a computer she'd purchased. "Put her on hold," said the other.
  7. Finally receiving some service, I'm asked to sign a credit card receipt authorizing the charge. Only the receipt doesn't indicate the price reduction from the gift card I used online. (The gift card, of course, being the only reason I was shopping there in the first place.) The clerk manually returns my item, refunds my money, and scans the camera again for purchase: $299.99. (I was expecting that.) "Uh, no, $269.99," I say, pointing at the confirmation email I'd printed out. He manually corrects the price.

Believe it or not, I actually felt bad for the guy helping me with my purchase. You know how in Night of the Living Dead when one zombie discovers you, it's like they send out some sort of message to all the other zombies and suddenly they're all converging on you and you're dead? Not only was he trying to help me, but there was an old man hovering over my shoulder with something to return, and a clearly annoyed couple nearby that he'd just had to inform was declined for financing for a new TV. Oh, and the let's not forget the irate lady still waiting on hold. As annoyed as I was by the guy, I at least had the good sense not to take it out on him - it's Best Buy's piss-poor customer service policies that put him in that situation.

Is poor customer service one of the trade-offs of a successful capitalist system?

Whatever You Want

Are you tired of watching TV and movies the way they want you to? Now, through the brilliance of YouTube and cheap movie editing software, you can at least see the previews and promos the way you want.

Like The Office but hate comedies? Love crime dramas but dislike the hour-long commitment?



And let's face it: The Shining was kind of a downer. Wouldn't you rather see it as a heartwarming father-son tale?



No longer are we subject to the whims of the editors who make movie previews! We can be wholly unprepared for what we are about to see if we so choose!

Friday, January 26, 2007

Other Uses for Coffee

On the off-chance that you don't finish the pot of coffee you made this morning, substitute it (assuming it's cooled) for water in a chocolate cake mix. You will not be disappointed, I swear.

Do not run, tasty children

Man, stories about a giant carnivorous bunny are long overdue. Behold, Big Bunny:



(You can see more by searching on YouTube or by visiting big-bunny.com.)

On Zombies

As a rule, I do not like scary movies. However, the niche of zombie lovers had me curious, and knowing that my brother-in-law Matt is a card-carrying member of said group, I sucked it up and set out to find out why. We watched the following two movies during a visit last Christmas:

First up: Night of the Living Dead. Wow, no one told me that a zombie movie could be culturally subversive. I mean, I thought it was just bunch of dead guys eating brains. Nope, turns out it's a statement on a race relations (also, as Matt continually points out, zombies can totally eat more than brains). Who knew? I really enjoyed this movie.

Next: Shaun of the Dead. Having shown me the beginning of the genre, Matt thought it was important to show me one of the best off-shoots - a romantic comedy which just happens to feature zombies. And I swear to all of you who haven't seen it that that is exactly what it is only a billion times better than any romantic comedy you've ever seen. Not only did I laugh my ass off during this movie, it was so good I want to own it, which actually means something because I really do try to keep my movie collection to the few movies that I actually care to watch over and over again (otherwise why own them?).

I wouldn't call myself a hardcore zombie obsessive just yet, but I really am looking forward to the next time I see Matt. I never would have watched any of these movies on my own - I can't handle suspense or gore and will literally walk away from a movie rather than sit and bite my nails. Watching with him, I can talk through the scary parts, ask him what's about to happen during the suspenseful bits, and cover my eyes until he tells me the blood through gushing. He's promised to show me Return of the Living Dead next, which from what he's told me is where gore enters the genre as well as the whole "me eat brains" idea. Whee!

Begone, Foul Soap Scum

Or, a Totally Awesome Cleaning Tip from Me

We had a landlady once upon a time who threatened to keep our security deposit if we didn't get the soap scum out of the bathroom sink.

Now, I'm not terribly proud to admit it, but it's true - the sink was not as shiny as it should have been, but in my defense, I had scrubbed and scrubbed! I could not get that soap scum out.

Enter the greatest cleaning tip ever:

  1. Take one dryer sheet, rub all over the dry soap-scummy surface
  2. Wet dryer sheet and go back over surface.
  3. Rinse surface.
Et voila! That's it, no more soap scum. I have no idea how or why it works, but it may just save your security deposit.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Hello, it's Alec Baldwin

It's no secret that 30 Rock is totally awesome, but now NBC has gone and made it awesomer: you too can have Alec Baldwin call your friends and family to discreetly remind them to watch 30 Rock. (Go here and, you know, use your amazing powers of reading to figure out how to do it.)

It's so much fun you'll have Alec Baldwin calling every number in your phone book.

Crowded House Reunion!

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod! Maybe I'm out of the loop, but I was really caught off-guard by this: Crowded House is reuniting for a tour and... a new studio album?!

True, it's not a "real" reunion since Hessie is no longer with us, and since it was only a three-piece band, it's sort of just Neil Finn and Nick Seymour playing some of Neil's songs (though according to the article Mark Hart will be joining in the tour). Maybe Tim will tag along.

It's true that I'm very poor and have no money for anything, let alone concert tickets, but I am a firm believer that sometimes the experience is more important in the long run than what it will cost you monetarily in the short run. So with any luck I'll be standing at the front of the stage (though off to the side - I can get to the front but never to the middle for some damn reason) sometime this year listening to this:

The Magic Flute on PBS















I don't know a lot about opera (I'm still learning), but last night on PBS, I caught the last hour of the Met's abridged, English version of The Magic Flute. It was produced by Julie Taymor, the same woman who did the Broadway version of The Lion King a few years ago. From what I saw, Mozart was clearly high when he wrote it, and I never did really grasp what the plot was, but once I was able to suspend my disbelief, I really really enjoyed it. It helped that it had a happy (if seemingly abrupt) ending. I will have to watch my local PBS listings (and you should too!) for a repeat so I can, you know, see the whole thing and maybe understand the plot a little better.

(Photo credits: Ken Howard/The Metropolitan Opera)

P.S. Those photos are really well arranged in my browser. I have no idea if they'll look as good in yours. If they don't, you can (a) tell me how to fix it so they do, or (b) deal.

Feeling Generous?

Looking to soothe your inner philanthropist but don't want to make a traditional, tax-deductible charitable contribution? Look no further, my friend!

After one year and over 3000 digital images, my camera has gone kaput. On the day of my son's first birthday party, my camera chose to not turn on. Fortunately, our friends had their camera with them, so we slipped our SD card in and were able to get pictures of the momentous occasion (first cupcake!). Not that we've seen any of these pictures. We took back our SD card, our friends took their camera home, and the pictures remain unseen and unuploaded.

How else will I take more pictures of my little boy? A "regular" camera is a waste of money given the number of pictures I take - the cost of film, developing, and then taking into account that most of the pictures are probably crap would quickly add up to the $250 it would cost for a new camera. Lately he's been climbing into a little chair in the living room and sitting quietly while he plays with his toys. Will I remember that 20 years from now if I don't have a picture to jog my memory? Not to mention the fact that he is so close to walking. *sigh* Also, today he is wearing a light blue onesie and little brown cotton pants. It's so cute and so simple; it just begs to be photographed. Won't you help a poor girl out?

Baby Friggin' Einstein?!?!

WTF?! I'm so glad I'm not the only person who is completely baffled by Bush's Baby Einstein shout out toward the end of the State of the Union the other night. I wish somebody on YouTube had a video of that portion of the speech, but here's the transcript if you missed it:

After her daughter was born, Julie Aigner-Clark searched for ways to share her
love of music and art with her child. So she borrowed some equipment, and began
filming children's videos in her basement. The Baby Einstein Company was born,
and in just five years her business grew to more than $20 million in sales. In
November 2001, Julie sold Baby Einstein to the Walt Disney Company, and with her
help Baby Einstein has grown into a $200 million business. Julie represents the
great enterprising spirit of America. And she is using her success to help
others -- producing child safety videos with John Walsh of the National Center
for Missing and Exploited Children. Julie says of her new project: "I believe
it's the most important thing that I have ever done. I believe that children
have the right to live in a world that is safe."


Again: WTF?! Sandwiched between Dikembe Mutombo, an NBA player from Africa who is now paying it forward with various humanitarian charities, and Wesley Autrey, a man who risked his freaking life for a complete stranger who fell from a subway platform as a train was entering the station, we have the woman who is teaching babies to love TV. (Speaking of children's television, "one of these things is not like the other...")

Ignoring the fact that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends zero TV for children under 2, Baby Einstein is a sham! There is no evidence to support the fact that babies are smarter if they are exposed to classical music. (However, it may be that parents who listen to classical music tend be more educated and thus more likely to have smarter children, but that's a different fish.) Also, babies learn from interaction, and there is no interacting with a TV (even if it does ask you what color the block is, pauses for an answer, and then cheers whatever you've said or haven't said).

In short, I don't like Baby Einstein or the make-your-kids-smarter-by-doing-nothing approach to parenting it sells.

Baby Envy

I knew this day would come eventually. Even in the last days of my pregnancy, waddling slowly down the halls at the office, fielding endless "You're still here?" and "I can't believe you haven't had that baby!" comments, I knew that despite my misery I would one day be nostalgic about the whole process - and now it's happened.

Damn, I want to be pregnant again. Notice I didn't say I wanted another baby - my one-year-old son is enough for now thankyouverymuch. But I really miss the excitement of pregnancy. The emails from babycenter, the fun cravings, the kicks and hiccups inside my belly, and yes, even the maternity clothes are re-entering my clearly deranged consciousness.

A friend of mine and fellow mommy to a one-year-old daughter just found out last night that she's pregnant with Baby #2, which of course isn't helping matters for me at all. I told her I shall be living vicariously through her for the next 8 months because despite what my heart thinks, my brain knows that pregnancy ends in a baby, and I am not ready for a second baby yet. For now, I'll just annoy her constantly with questions about her symptoms and her doctor's appointments in an attempt to distract myself until the time comes when I am actually ready for a second child.