A Preview Review

Have you been enjoying previews for the new movie Music and Lyrics as much as I have? Why anyone thought to make this movie is completely beyond me - the formula's been done to death. You can see the trailer here. However, allow me to summarize the movie in a neat, two-paragraph nutshell:

Washed-up pop star meets plant caretaker (wtf?). Plant caretaker comes up with a clever line for one of washed-up pop star's songs. Washed-up pop star tells plant caretaker she's "a born lyricist." (Perhaps one of my favorite lines in the historie of moviedom.) Plant caretaker agrees to help washed-up pop star write one last hit song (again, wtf?), this one for a Britney/Christina type. Plant caretaker and washed-up pop star fall in love (a scene that I'm sure takes place as they sit at the piano and gaze longingly into one another's eyes, suddenly shy and slightly flustered - Hugh Grant does his trademark "aw shucks" shtick, Drew Barrymore giggles and then - they kiss). Scene fades into plant caretaker and washed-up pop star waking up next to each other under the piano (strangely they have pillows and blankets - does that mean they chose to sleep under the piano by actively retrieving bedding from an adjacent room?). Unfortunately, shortly thereafter the glow of new love is dimmed by plant caretaker witnessing an unwanted kiss from a female fan of washed-up pop star and misunderstanding it as juvenile, commitment-phobic behavior - clearly washed-up pop star is not serious about plant caretaker and was just using her. Plant caretaker storms out on washed-up pop star as he bumblingly tries to explain. Washed-up pop star chases after plant caretaker as he throws back one last glance at unwanted female fan, who stands there with a delightedly smug expression.

Plant caretaker refuses to see washed-up pop star or answer his calls. There's a music montage as she cries over her broken heart. Still, the big night for the debut of their super awesome chart-topping pop song is approaching (which from I can tell sounds like some treacly shit from Diane Warren, writer of such nauseating hits as "How Do I Live?," "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing," and "Because You Loved Me"). Reluctantly, plant caretaker decides to attend. On stage and just about to start the performance (a duet between washed-up pop star and Britney/Christina bot), washed-up pop star stops and publicly apologizes to plant caretaker and professes his undying love. Washed-up pop star performs the duet, but he's clearly singing his lines to plant caretaker the whole time as she stands nearby, hands clutched to her chest, all tearful smiles. Turns out washed-up pop star is the man of her dreams. Plant caretaker runs on stage at the end of the song and they share a passionate kiss. Looks like true love has conquered all yet again. They live happily ever after and probably write a dozen more noxious pop hits together.

Now, that was of course conjecture based on (1) previous experience with romantic comedies, (2) Hugh Grant, and (3) the promos and trailers I've seen for the movie which, by the way, comes out February 14th (aww). If anyone reading this actually sees it, please feel free to let me know how awesomely spot on I was.