the a is for annie

Redesign

2009-09-15T13:18:00.002-06:00

I'm thinking of making some changes here at the blog, so don't be surprised if the archives just disappear. That would be because I deleted them.

The Perfect Infant Outfit

2008-07-12T17:49:00.002-06:00

Stop the presses. Get out your wallets. If you're having a baby or you know someone having a baby, your search for the perfect infant outfit ends here.

The Infant Kimono Wrap by Westcoast Baby is everything your newborn needs. It doesn't have to be pulled over the head (babies hate that), there's no complicated button/snap/zipper closing system (convenient for the millions of diaper changes in those first weeks), and it opens easily for skin-to-skin contact without leaving baby completely naked or tangled up in a blanket. Also, it's oh so easy on the eyes for parents.

They're currently sold out in 'wasabi' and 'mandarin,' but with any luck they'll restock those gender neutral colors soon.

Best Children's Room Ever

2008-07-11T13:26:00.005-06:00

I've been checking out Apartment Therapy because Amy and Dave's nifty DIY bed was featured there recently. Anyway, through a series of clicks (what the young people call "surfing the net"), I wound up face to face with the most beautiful corner of a children's room I have ever seen. Even better, according to its owner, it's for her two children, who share a room, just as mine will be doing in three ~~short~~ ~~long~~ months. Mostly I'm posting this to remind myself to repaint the room this way.

As if that wasn't enough, these incredibly crafty and stylin' folks used cork trivets (!) to make functional art on the wall above their office. I will be stealing this idea one of these days when I get around to it. (Instead of random placement, I'm imagining them lined up 3 x 3 or something. In fact, this would go well not only in a home office but in a kid's room.)

Bamboo Tea Bag Box from Crate & Barrel

2008-07-11T11:57:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you, but I have a lot of tea. While this would not come near holding all of it, it would certainly enable me to keep certain amounts of it outside the cabinet (and therefore remind me to drink it more often).

Ways in which this would make my life better: (1) I would drink more tea, and tea is wonderful in many ways; (2) my guests would drink tea with me (their flavor options would be right there in front of them!); and (3) my guests and I would then discuss all manner of tea-related topics.

What is your greatest weakness?

2008-07-11T10:19:00.004-06:00

Basically the most painful question an interviewer can ask. A friend of mine was laid off on Monday (boo!) but already had two phone interviews this morning (yay!). He claims to have bombed both of them, citing his response the most dreaded question in the history of job interviews: "What is your greatest weakness?" Apparently he said "um" for a minute before the interviewer just moved on. Probably not the best response.

So he doesn't get caught off guard by the question again, I went a-googling and found this incredibly helpful blog post. Basically the idea is to answer the question by showing the interviewer that you were aware of this weakness prior to the interview and that you have already implemented steps in your work routine to overcome it. The author also provides examples of how you might phrase specific weaknesses. Not that I have any plans to be interviewing any time soon, but it's always good to be prepared. Here's my 100% truthful answer:

I tend to become overwhelmed if I think I have too many projects going on at once. My solution to this is to create a to-do list so I can see what I have to do still as well as the progress that I've made.

The author also offers the funniest answer he's heard: "Kryptonite." And one of the commenters claims to have said "Chocolate cake," which made the interviewers laugh (he was hired). In fact, a funny answer may make you a more memorable candidate if you can provide the interviewers with a genuine chuckle. All the same, best to have a real (and honest!) answer prepared before you show up. Feel free to leave yours in the comments.

The Declaration of Independence

2008-07-04T08:38:00.002-06:00

We were at Milwaukee's lakefront last night for the city's annual fireworks as we are every year, and they were fantastic. My 2 1/2 year old son, who for the first time was really able to enjoy the fireworks, kept repeating "Oh!," "Wow...," and a very awe-struck "Oh my gosh..." My favorite comment of his though was "It sounds like a dinosaur!" Though I hated the fireworks through my teen years (nothing personal: I hated everything), I have really come to love them in recent years (and if we ever move from Milwaukee, our lakefront gathering will be an annual tradition I will miss). The all-American loving spirit of Frank Capra wells up within me and I always think how awesome it is that *this* is the way we celebrate our nation's birthday, with giant outdoor gatherings of all our towns and cities across the country to watch fireworks.

Josh Patashnik at The New Republic explains that he likes to reread the Declaration each year on the fourth of July to remind himself what it's all about. Then he asked readers for their favorite grievances against King George (a key list within the Declaration, but you already knew that, right?), which I admit I cannot provide because I don't know enough about what the colonists were so aggrieved.

I'll be taking early American history during the Spring 2009 semester, so next summer I plan to have an answer to the question, but in the meantime, I did sit down and reread our nation's founding document, which I encourage you to do as well today before you head off for barbeques and pool parties and parades. I liked the last line of the second-to-last paragraph:

We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

Note he didn't say, we're declaring our independence from these jerks and enemies we shall be until the end of the time! No, he was cool with just being friends if King George would be cool with that too.

You can read the Declaration, view high-res images of the original, and probably get more background info that you thought possible from the nice folks at the National Archives.

Rothko Angst Update

2008-07-03T15:29:00.003-06:00

I have finished my paper, which I believe was far less professional than I would have preferred. Even if it is an assignment on MY impressions, I still feel like I've used an unqualified 1st person. Whatever. It's MATC. He'll probably think it's the greatest student paper he's ever read.

Anyway, through writing the paper (which, again, is more like a good first draft as far as I'm concerned), I eventually came to a conclusion (note I didn't say I came to *the* conclusion), that it's the colors that make a Rothko in the format in which he has presented them. And these colors exude life and energy and a vibrancy which strikes me as really interesting, like if we lived in a black and white world, it's not just that the trees wouldn't be green, it's that the green itself provides the cues to our brains that the tree is alive. (Yes, I understand photosynthesis, but I'm dealing in psychology just now.) (And yes, I realize that our brains probably evolved in some form as an adaptation to the innate recognition of photosynthesis, but again, regular ol' neuropsychology, not evolutionary psychology.)

So if that is the case and Rothko has within his rectangles with their rough edges captured the color in such a way as to mimic the cues that color provides to our brains, maybe that it what makes a Rothko so challenging. I see green color in a leaf-shape, my brain says "Look! A leaf!" I see green color in a fuzzy radiating rectangle shape, my brain says, "Look! A... thing! Wait... what?" My brain is telling me there's energy there, but it has no idea with what type of energy to identify it with.

I will think on this further and hopefully be able to more clearly explain myself at a later time. In the meanwhile, I actually feel better. It's as if I've released my brain from the tension created between it and the painting. (Seriously, though, am I the only person with this problem?)

Ikea Madness

2008-07-02T20:05:00.002-06:00

I would live in an Ikea. I would decorate my entire house with Ikea. Seriously, where else could you buy a light this gorgeous for $6?

Reasons I miss San Francisco

2008-07-02T18:31:00.002-06:00

As some of you know, I used to live in San Francisco. We've been gone five years this summer. That is far too long. Below, a list of things I miss about the most beautiful city in the country:

Various family members who know who they are. I mean, if we lived in SF, we'd be able to be with everyone as opposed to all the hectic visiting. Matt and I could watch zombie movies on a regular basis instead of trying to pencil them into an exhausting week of running from one place to the next. My brother now works mere blocks from where I used to work. We could be doing lunch!
The best Chinese food on the planet.
MUNI
Hills (No, seriously.)
Wishbone, the greatest store in the world filled with almost nothing that anyone actually needs but that everyone wants.
Children's Playground. Ok, I admit I didn't spend much time there when we lived in SF, but now that I have a small child and a second on the way, I can see myself spending lots of time there. Strangely, the official site has no pictures of the newly renovated playground, but trust me, it's awesome.

Yes, there are things I would miss about Milwaukee. But those are some of my favorite things about the city, and I would give just about anything to move back most days.

And that's another thing

2008-07-02T16:41:00.006-06:00

As mentioned at the beginning of my previous post, before launching into a tirade of how I don't understand Rothko no matter how much I want to, or at least not that he can be understood from my "impression" alone, I mentioned that I also have to write about my "impressions" of the buildings of the Milwaukee Art Museum themselves.

My notes, as I crossed the footbridge into the Calatrava:

fresh air, lake breeze
brise soleil
bright white reflects well vs. dour square non organic form of veterans memorial

And I even hesitate to mention the fresh air and the lake breeze just because it's so STUPID when written down. I mean, do I think it was a coincidence that Calatrava designed this big open building that looks like it might just sail onto the lake or take off in flight and he never once noticed how refreshing the lake breeze is on a nice day? Of course that's part of it. Do I have a non-defensive way of communicating that in my paper? No, no, I don't.

No wonder he shot himself.

2008-07-02T15:51:00.011-06:00

I have this annoying assignment for my Understand Art course in which I have to write, in 3 full pages, double-spaced, my impressions of the Milwaukee Art Museum (both buildings) and one piece within the museum. I have several problems with this assignment:

I am a very lazy person and am uninterested in this "homework" of which you speak.
My "impressions" of the museum are completely irrelevant given that I know nothing about architecture or art. THAT is precisely why I am taking this course. If you like, make it the final assignment on which I can use all that I have learned to more expertly give my opinions.
Yes, I assume the purpose of the exercise to convince ME that my opinions on things are just as valid, especially given a little time and effort toward the project.
But seriously, if you were dropped onto this planet after having lived your whole life in a vacuum, you might need some background on what this building is, what purpose it serves, and what all the things inside are/mean/represent/etc.
I know I wasn't just dropped in through a vacuum.
I don't like this professor. He pages through the text and repeats the same lecture every day.
Again, I'm lazy.
Seriously though. I chose a Mark Rothko painting on which to expound and while the painting seems to have left some sort of impression on me, I'm not sure I can turn that impression into words because it might just be the type of thing that words can't express. (Isn't that what art is for?)
I guess I could say that in the paper.

Listen, bottom line is this: I'm lazy, this teacher isn't teaching the way I prefer to be taught, and it's summer, and I'm 6 months pregnant, and I want to know art HISTORY before I'm forced to expound on art THEORY. (Yes, I realize he just wants my personal impressions, but I am incapable of that level of personal attachment in academic writing.)

That blue looks a little sickly on my monitor, frankly. The colors look better in person.

Still, the Rothko painting was the only painting in the museum that particular day that I couldn't get out of my head. I blame Simon Schama. Here are the notes I took while viewing the painting:

color field
abstract expressionism
non objective
ground is blue
primary colors
not sure what I'm looking at but it stays with me
man approaches impatiently looks very closely @ painting, arms folded. don't know what he's looking for.

no purposeful brushwork

texture - N/A
brushwork - N/A
color - all there is

saturated - yes

edges of rectangles are rough, not perfectly defined, eye creates rectangular shape

stays in mind like coming indoors on a very bright day

how did he choose his colors?

I don't understand this painting but I think I'm looking for something that isn't there.

None of that is meant to be poetic or profound. That's exactly what I wrote, except I drew a box around "choose" up there instead of bold to emphasize the artist's conscious choice to my brain reading it later.

Six days later, further thoughts:

people who say "my kid could do that"
they don't say "I could do that" because they know they can't or instinctively know there's something there they could not create
Painting is deliberate, edges are rough but clear - children lack the control/decision-making - Rothko knew when he was done, made conscious decision to start, how to continue, when to end

Alright, fine, but still I feel like I've missed something. I still don't *get* it. Is there anything to get? I certainly like the painting, but it bugs me, as do a lot of paintings when I start looking at them, not just non-objective abstract expressionist pieces. I always get the impression (oh, there's that word) that a painting is trying to communicate some thought or idea or something to me, and that I don't speak the language.

Someone please tell me what I'm missing.

Where O Where Has My Creative Gene Gone?

2008-01-23T22:00:00.000-06:00

Answer: I never really had it. All you psychologists out there looking to study artists and the creative impulse, take note: the ability to draw does not equal the ability to draw anything worth looking at.

And that goes for decorating too. Anyone have any color scheme ideas for ye olde blog in '08?

New year, new urge to blog

2008-01-23T16:41:00.001-06:00

Damnit, here I go again. I tried some half-assed blogging on livejournal, but that was boring and only accessible to my 5 livejournal friends.

So what do I feel like blogging about?

Liam fucking Finn. Holy effing hell, this album is brilliant. Forget Rolling Stone and Stereogum actin' all fancy, putting him on their "artist to watch" lists. I was here first, sonny boy, and he's mine, all MINE! Oh, and as of yesterday, he can be yours too.
gDiapers. Do you think Liam Finn is off somewhere in the world wondering if he'll get blogged in nearly the same breath as diapers? Doesn't matter. gDiapers are the new best thing I've ever discovered, and I encourage all you of with baby bottoms to diaper to invest in gDiapers. It's the diaper you can flush (or even compost!), only it's a thousand times more attractive than it sounds. (And they're further proof that everything from "down under" is vastly superior.)
Which is not to imply that this country doesn't do some things incredibly well. Reference: Barack Obama. Barack Obama may be the best thing this particular country has created in a long time. In fact, I like to think he'd appreciate me spreading the Obama love along with Kiwi indie rock and Aussie environmental friendliness. Call it good foreign relations. You South Carolinans reading this? I expect you to Barack the vote on Saturday! And all you Super Tuesday readers can do the same. This is a pivotal moment for this country, and if he doesn't become the next president of the United States, I'm moving to Paris. (In like 10 years, but still, I'm totally going.)

With any luck I'll expand my thoughts on these topics and much more in the coming days/hours/minutes. (We'll see how long the motivation holds up.)

Let's go CD shopping

2007-08-24T14:18:00.000-06:00

All New Zealand, all the time this afternoon. No big surprises here, but you know, if you're feeling generous:

Liam Finn - I'll Be Lightning
Can you believe I haven't flown my lazy ass to New Zealand already just to purchase this? I was holding out hope that it might be available for sale at the show. Live at Spaceland was (and I bought it), but this was not because it's technically not out in the U.S. until January. Meh, I've had to import every other release from the man, why should this be any different? By the by, I promise to post pictures of the autographed album when I get around to it.

Eagle Vs. Shark - Original Soundtrack
It's a Phoenix Foundation album masquerading as a soundtrack! (No, still haven't gotten around to seeing the movie. Pfft.) Oh yeah, and there are a couple of tracks by other folks as well (reminiscent of the Man on the Moon soundtrack some years ago which R.E.M. mostly did, only you know, The Phoenix Foundation are at the top of their game, and R.E.M. was... not).

The Phoenix Foundation - Pegasus
Ooh, speaking of The Phoenix Foundation, why do I not own this? This is the opposite of a new album. Some months ago when they did a brief U.S. tour, I sent Matt to see them do an in-store at Amoeba. He was kind enough to get Samuel Flynn Scott and Luke Buda's solo albums for me (directly from the men themselves and autographed to me, Annie!), but alas, they had no copies of Pegasus on them. Jerks. (Ok, not actual jerks but you know.)

Fur Patrol - The Long Distance Runner EP
It has been far too long since we've had anything new from Fur Patrol. Looks like they are still "putting the finishing touches" on their third album (a phrase which means little to nothing to me after years of following many bands who takes years and years and years to get anything out). Anyway, this is the new EP which they released a few months ago, so yay, positive signs!

So that's that. To import all three direct from NZ (including shipping), it should leave you short about $100, but you'll have excellent gift-giving karma. Oh, or you could buy them for yourselves, I suppose.

DONE!

2007-08-24T12:51:00.000-06:00

I am finally signed up for classes this semester. This was way more trouble and stress than it had any right to be:

English
Plagues, People & Power (science for people who don't like science?)
Western Civ to 1776
Music Appreciation
Intro Psychology

Now I have to buy books, and then let the financial aid department know the exact amount for my student loan. Glargh.

But seriously, how awesome is all this going to be? That music appreciation class is going to rule. I'm so freaking excited. Look out, world, here I come!

I saw Liam Finn!

2007-08-23T14:55:00.000-06:00

Live!

He came out on stage, and I was all, "I love you!" And he looked in my general direction into the dark theater, smiled and said, "You haven't even heard me yet" into the mic.

During Crowded House's set I mostly ignored Neil (something I thought I'd never do) and craned my neck to watch Liam's lovely, lovely face and body. Don't judge me.

And I got his autograph! I waited an hour under the Pabst Theater awning, and when he finally came out, I was all, "Liam!" And he turned around and looked right at me like, "Yes? What can I do for you?" That was kind of weird because I wasn't expecting to actually have to say, "Can you sign this for me?" But I managed to find the words and did it.

He is hotter than hot is hot. He's about my height. The pen I borrowed from the lady next to me had issues, but he managed to sign the cd for me anyway. Wanted to find some kind of excuse to touch him but didn't. Wanted to tell him I love him in so many different ways but managed to keep my dignity and fade into the background while blondie next to me made a fool of herself. Ah well.

Briefly, on other people's opinions

2007-04-28T12:46:00.000-06:00

They say you cannot change the way other people behavior, you can only change your reaction to it. Sort of a choose-your-battles kind of thing. Example:

Last year someone I know made a very generalized derogatory comment about my taste in music. We all know that to be the highest of falsities. In the two seconds before I responded, my brain managed to process the following retorts:

"Nuh-uh. Your music is stupid."
"Ok."

Option #1 is, for most people I think, the knee-jerk reaction. I really did/do think this person's taste in music is utterly horrendous. However, by going with #1, I would be validating his opinion - if what he said really hurt my feelings, it must be because I (a) respect him or (b) respect his taste in music. Which I don't.

I realized that stooping to his level with some vague sophomoric putdown would only add fuel to the fire, and I didn't really feel like getting into it especially since he wouldn't know good music if it knocked him upside the head with a brick.

What I'm trying to get at is by choosing Option #2, I stopped the would-be argument in its tracks and put him in his place. He didn't expect me to just... take it. I took it because I didn't care. I know that I have the awesomest awesome music collection in the history of awesome, and no matter what he said to me, that wasn't going to change. He believes he's got a lot of good music too, but that doesn't threaten me because it doesn't affect me. He's welcome to listen to his music so long as I don't have to listen to it and vice versa.

Crowded House Album Artwork!

2007-04-27T09:34:00.000-06:00

According to the website, Time On Earth will be released July 2nd worldwide with the exception of (sigh) North America which will have to wait an extra eight days.

Also: single! "Don't Stop Now" to be released June 25 in bunches of different formats. I may or may not buy them all.

Don't forget Crowded House is playing Coachella this Sunday which you can see streaming (!) at 8:55 pm PDT.

Coachella Webcast

2007-04-27T06:57:00.000-06:00

I had never even heard of Coachella before this year, but it just so happens that nearly every one of my most beloved bands and a good number of new favorites are going to be there. So. Short of abandoning my family and hitchhiking to Indio, what's a girl to do?

Watch online, of course! (*All times Pacific.)

April 27th Lineup*
03:00 PM Brother Ali
03:55 PM Noisettes
04:35 PM Tokyo Police Club
05:35 PM Tilly and the Wall
06:25 PM Of Montreal
07:15 PM Rufus Wainwright
08:10 PM Arctic Monkeys
09:05 PM Stephen Marley
09:55 PM Sonic Youth
10:45 PM Bjork

April 28th Lineup*
03:00 PM Gogol Bordello
04:00 PM Fields
04:40 PM The Cribs
05:25 PM the Frames
06:15 PM Jack's Mannequin
07:10 PM Andrew Bird
08:05 PM the Fratellis
09:00 PM Regina Spektor
09:50 PM Arcade Fire
11:00 PM Ozomatli

April 29th Lineup*
03:00 PM Anathallo
03:45 PM The Feeling
04:40 PM Junior Boys
05:30 PM Fair to Midland
06:05 PM Kaiser Chiefs
07:05 PM CSS
08:05 PM Klaxons
08:55 PM Crowded House
09:50 PM Damien Rice
10:40 PM TBD

Remember, if that doesn't look like the whole list of acts, that's because it's not. For the complete list of acts performing this weekend (including those AT&T has chosen not to stream), go to Coachella's site. I have some other plans tonight, so unfortunately I'll be busy when Rufus is onstage, but I saw somewhere that AT&T promises to archive the performances. Rawk.

Feel free to celebrate, but please get permission first.

2007-04-26T14:06:00.000-06:00

Happy World Intellectual Property Day, everybody! On to other things:

Two of my favorite people sent me links today about how awesome it feels to be an atheist: The Rational Atheist (thanks Amy) and this article on an upcoming program entitled A Brief History of Disbelief (thanks Jake).
Some Brits copped WaPo's idea and sent a classical violinist into the streets to play for the ignorant masses so they could feel smug and/or decry the sad state of art appreciation. (Ok, I have no idea what their point was. I didn't actually read the article.)
Another Brit supposes what you have on your bookshelf is a window into your soul--or maybe it's not. She's not sure and doesn't have a clear point. Currently on the table by my couch: The Da Vinci Code (still unfinished), Anansi Boys, Story of O, and What to Expect the Toddler Years.
Lost was awesome last night, was it not? Did you see Jin open that can of whoopass?
Interestingly, if you search for "can of woop ass" on Wikipedia, one of the items that comes up is John 3:16. Apparently there's a quote attributed to former WWE wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin commonly referred to as Austin 3:16: "I just wooped your ass." I think you'll agree, the entry on John 3:16 could not have been complete without that factoid.
Uh, in complete defiance and/or ignorance of World Intellectual Property Day: A radio rip of the new White Stripes single "Icky Thump"! Just make sure you buy the album on June 19.
Oh, and didn't you know starting Daylight Savings Time early only increases the dangers of global warming?

I'm so tired of America

2007-04-26T08:18:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the lyrics of Rufus' new song "Going to a Town," and it's depressing the hell out of me. (Hear the song/see the video.) In it, Rufus expresses his disappointment over New Orleans,

I'm going to a town that has already been burnt down
I'm going to a place that has already been disgraced
I'm gonna see some folks who have already been let down
I'm so tired of America

frustration with the Iraq war ("You took advantage of a world that loved you well"), and the struggle for equal marriage rights

Making my own way home, ain't gonna be alone
I've got a life to lead, America
I've got a life to lead

Tell me, do you really think you go to hell for having loved?

It's just really got me down lately, especially yesterday after listening to some acquaintances mock gay pride and call pride parades "disgusting" ("They were throwing condoms everywhere!"). About an hour later, a woman I actually consider a friend was talking about how a local park isn't as nice as I thought it was because "certain... ethnic groups... aren't as clean as they should be."

I'm ashamed to say that I didn't take a stand against it. This isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened in my adult life, and each time I defend my non-action with "I was too shocked to think of anything to say," which is in part true. But like I said, this isn't the first time, and I need to get over my shock. Thing is, I don't want to start an argument with anyone, but I would like to let these individuals know in no uncertain terms that I find that kind of speech offensive and hateful and hurtful and just plain wrong.

I'm really depressed, and I need some advice. Short of never hanging out with these women again, does anyone have anything?

HUGE Dilemma

2007-04-25T14:47:00.000-06:00

My life is so hard.

In order to get free shipping from Amazon, we need to add something else to our cart. We have narrowed it down to two albums, each $9.99. A decision must be made. We can't buy both. So:

Please advise. (Except Adam because you only own one of those records and I already know what you're going to say.)

National Poetry Month strikes again

2007-04-25T09:20:00.000-06:00

You know, when I said the other day that I hadn't come across any poems since early in the month, I was pretending to be disappointed that my pledge - to not completely ignore poetry this month - wasn't coming to much. But then last night someone posted some Sylvia Plath in her blog, and while I really liked The Bell Jar, I was not looking forward to suffering through actual poetry. I could feel my mind wandering at the first lines:

"Mirror"

I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
What ever I see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike .
I am not cruel, only truthful---
The eye of a little god, four cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

But by the time I finished, I was really enjoying myself. The imagery is nice and not too vague. It's not a difficult poem to read. I mean, I'm sure people have written theses about it and I'm sure you can delve really deep into its meaning or some such thing, but I liked it.

Even better though:

And this is my favorite part of the poem, again from the First Voice -- I put it on the birth announcements of my last baby, Luka.

What did my fingers do before they held him?
What did my heart do, with its love?
I have never seen a thing so clear.
His lids are like the lilac-flower
And soft as a moth, his breath.
I shall not let go.
There is no guile or warp in him. May he keep so.

That's just nice, and it makes my heart feel big and swollen and nice and happy and full of love because I've had a child, and it's always nice when someone expresses my feelings better than I ever could.

Five more days! What horrors will National Poetry Month inflict upon me NEXT?!?!

Crowded House album release date!

2007-04-25T08:57:00.000-06:00

No sooner do I mention that there's no release date for Crowded House's new album than NME goes and announces it. Well, don't I feel silly. July 2! Mark your calendars!

The 14-song LP, entitled 'Time On Earth', was recorded with Kings of Leon producer Ethan Johns in Auckland, New Zealand.

The full tracklisting is:

'Nobody Wants To'
'Don't Stop Now'
'She Called Up'
'Say That Again'
'Pour Le Monde'
'Even A Child'
'Heaven That I'm Making'
'Silent House'
'English Trees'
'Walked Her Way Down'
'Transit Lounge'
'You Are The One to Make Me Cry'
'A Sigh'
'People Are Like Suns'

The band are due to appear at the Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival this Sunday (April 29) - stay tuned to NME.COM for news and blogs straight from this year's event.

Meanwhile the band will co-headline Hyde Park Calling on June 23 and the Outsider Festival in Scotland the following day.

'Time On Earth' is released on July 2.

Ignore the bit about Ethan Johns being "Kings of Leon producer" since that's not much to brag about - replace "Kings of Leon" with "Ryan Adams and Rufus Wainwright" and you'll feel much better about the record. And actually, I'm pretty sure I knew the record was called Time On Earth, but I forgot. Here's hoping it's half as good as Neil's two solo albums.

And now, because YouTube is fun, the completely retarded video for one of my favorite songs, Something So Strong (just push play and go about your business):

Stuff to read

2007-04-24T15:13:00.000-06:00

Speaking of new releases, Patti Smith has an album of covers out today that, umm..., I have no idea why anyone would want to buy. Regardless, there's a good interview with her on Pitchfork, and seriously, this woman is my hero.
Y'all, Edward VII ate a lot. Just so everybody knows, overeating is apparently not new.
Kim Basinger says she didn't leak the scary voicemail Alec Baldwin left their daughter. Which she may not have. Or maybe she did, in which case why would she admit to that.
And because it was so much fun before, Liam Finn in his skivvies:

photo quilt [tag: awesome]

2007-04-24T13:06:00.000-06:00

A photo quilt built from thumbnails of photos recently posted to flickr tagged "awesome."

2007 Music (another damn list)

2007-04-24T11:34:00.000-06:00

Man, so it's been a while since we talked about what an awesome year 2007 is (like, a week). I mean, I got an awesome tax return and paid off my car; fashion loves me; Barack is going to be our next president; but best of all? Rawk. And. Roll. What what y'all, that's right. Let's recap:

Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? - Of Montreal (January 23)
Wincing the Night Away - The Shins (January 23)
Neon Bible - Arcade Fire (March 6)
We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank - Modest Mouse (March 20)
Living with the Living - Ted Leo & the Pharmacists (March 20)
Night of the Furies - The Rosebuds (April 10)

All of which I am still enjoying, with the exception of Night of the Furies, but only on a technicality because it hasn't arrived in the mail yet. Ted Leo gets better every listen. Modest Mouse I can only do in small doses, and my head is still spinning from the addition of Johnny Marr (wtf?), so of those six listed, I'd have to call that album the weakest. Still to come:

American Doll Posse - Tori Amos (May 1)
Volta - Bjork (May 8)
Release the Stars - Rufus Wainwright (May 15)
Sky Blue Sky - Wilco (May 15)
Easy Tiger - Ryan Adams (June 5)
Icky Thump - White Stripes (June 12)
Challengers - The New Pornographers (August 21)

Must admit I'm not sure about getting the new Tori, though on a positive note, the tracks I've heard haven't mentioned anything about driving around Ireland in her Saab. Ah, progress. Also, I am admittedly a casual Bjork fan and probably won't get the new record unless I see it for cheaps in the used record store. As for Rufus, you can watch the video for "Going to a Town" on YouTube -- the song's sentiment is hardly a new one and understandable in this socially frustrating day and age. Ryan Adams will probably release another half dozen or so records this year after Easy Tiger. The New Pornographers promise that if you buy a poster at their upcoming shows, they'll give you a code to input on their website and then they'll send you the new album when it's released.

What else? There are rumors of Belle & Sebastian finally giving us an official release of the Peel Sessions. Not to mention the Crowded House record which remains untitled and without a release date. Those are just the established acts with new records this year. Let's not forget the bands I have yet to discover and the newcomers, beginning with everyone's favorite Kiwi in London:

(Silly Kiwis have no class.)

Still waiting for a definitive release date for Liam Finn's debut solo album, I'll Be Lightning. Have I mentioned that you can listen to his stuff over on his myspace page? Because you can listen to his stuff over on his myspace page. Also, keep an eye out for Crowded House's tour dates - I have a theory Liam will be tagging along playing dive bars while dear ol' dad entertains in the theaters and music halls. We shall see...

Who did I forget? I'm sure there's several... Now you see why I keep repeating this damn list? I'm trying not to forget for my end of the year list in December.

They're like chips (because they are chips)

2007-04-24T11:10:00.000-06:00

Recently I shared with you my love of SoyJoy, the totally scrumptious new soy+fruit bars. The other day we tried another flavor, this time Raisin Almond, and though I was really skeptical of anything flavored with raisins and almonds, I can whole-heartedly recommend to you that flavor as well. But don't take my word for it - go get your free sample now!!!

As for today's Favorite New Product: ladies and gentlemen, I give you Flat Earth! They're chips, only if you read the ingredients label you can actually recognize (and pronounce!) the words. They're low in sodium, they've got vitamins and minerals, and every ounce is 1/2 a serving of fruit or veggies.

The thing is, you can feel fat all you want, and you can promise yourself that you're never ever eating another chip for the rest of your life, but you and I both know that's not true. So, with that in mind, since you're going to eat chips anyway, why not eat chips with some nutritional value that totally taste awesome?

We had the Garlic & Herb and Wild Berry flavors over the weekend, and I promise they really, truly are yummy. Unlike, say, banana chips which are among the most disgusting things ever to be called "edible." No free samples with this one, but if you go to their website, you can print a coupon for $1 off. (Now for the bargain-hunter in me to have her say: so far the cheapest I seen them is at Target for $2.85. Subtract your dollar coupon, and bam, $1.85 for the bag. Can't beat that.)

More from National Poetry Month

2007-04-23T17:59:00.000-06:00

As you'll recall, I pledged to not completely ignore any poems that crossed my path this month. It just so happens that I haven't seen any poems since The Tyger. The month is nearly over, but I suppose that makes one poem more than I would have ordinarily read. Oh well. :)

Tangentially-related however, some might be interested to read poet Saul Williams' open letter to Oprah after her show on hip hop's response to Don Imus. An excerpt:

...there is nothing more negligent than attempting to address a problem one finds on a branch by censoring the leaves.

Happy Earth Day!

2007-04-23T10:59:00.000-06:00

Yay! It's Earth Day, and since the earth is the newest trendiest thing we all love, here are some way you can celebrate her today:

Stop drinking bottled water! Get yourself a still-just-as-convenient but way cuter Sigg bottle instead, and be cool like me and my bebe.
Moms - stop wiping up your kids' messes with paper towels. Target has a 12-pack of cheap washcloths for $3.99, and turns out it's not just good for the environment, it also does a better job of cleaning up the mess.
Use a tote bag for your groceries! I haven't gotten one yet - I really want the one over at the Onion, but the bag is $7.50 (good price) and the shipping is $7.16 (bad price). And that is why I don't have a tote bag for my groceries yet. If anyone local wants an Onion tote or anything else the Onion store is selling, let me know and we'll go in on it to save shipping.
Use a travel mug for your Starbucks! Again, haven't actually gotten this one yet because I haven't found a cute travel mug I like. Still this is good because seriously, look at the floor of your car and count how many gazillions of paper cups are back there, then multiple that by every single American. Also, like the Sigg bottles for your water, you can find a stylish mug and then you can be cool in addition to earth-friendly, and for me at least, having a product I like and want other people to see me using (yes, I admit it - now you be honest with yourself and admit it too) will make me actually use it more. (Also, I think Starbucks will take 10¢ off your total if you bring your own cup.)
Oh, and when you're in the drive-thru at Starbucks, turn off your car! Please, please, please, turn off your car. If not for the environment, then because of the price of gas, people.
What's that? You're in the living room, and yet the light in the bathroom is on? Why is that exactly? Go turn it off!
Lastly, nothing to do with Earth Day, but please go be amused at my really interesting new picture on myspace. It's really interesting.

Also, Starbucks' website has the Planet Green Game, which I haven't played yet, but it seems like a mildly festive thing to do while you're stuck in your office on Earth Day.

Aaand... I just looked and yesterday was Earth Day. Fine, but you can still totally do stuff today too!

Why does my IP keep changing???

2007-04-19T08:15:00.000-06:00

Ok, I generally dislike meta-blogging, but perhaps there's a reader out there who knows the answer to my question. As some of you know, I use StatCounter to track visits to my site (Hi Julia). These visits are tracked via your unique IP address (and there's nothing you can do about it).

Rest assured I don't do anything with this information besides count the number of readers I have and pat myself on the back for being so awesome. I don't even know what, if anything, I could do with the information if I wanted to. (It doesn't tell me your name or who you are or anything like that, so chill. It's just a unique IP address and your city/state, that's it. Unless you are the sole occupant of your city/state, you don't have to worry about being identified by me or anyone else.)

I block my own IP from the stats because I visit my site more than anyone, and I don't want it skewing my stats. However, recently this IP kept showing up, and I was all "Who is spending THAT much time on my blog? Seriously?" Well, it's... me. My IP address changed, or I have two, or something. I don't know how this works. Anyway, so I blocked the new IP. And then today...

ME AGAIN! New IP, but still ME. How is this even possible? It's one computer, one internet connection, one XP log-in. I have no idea what's going on, but it's annoying. Any ideas?

Vagina Power!

2007-04-19T08:00:00.000-06:00

Ok, so this video was making the rounds a few days ago, but unfortunately I didn't get to see it before it was removed from YouTube. But today it's back!

Just so you know: NSFW, though not at all NSFWSNEFSWOTITPI* as people were implying. It's not dirty so much as ridonculous and just... mind-boggling to watch someone saying all this with a totally straight face. Watch it now before it disappears from YouTube again.

You can view a transcript here. A sampling:

But what she doesn’t realize is we have to deal with our attachments and separate the love, the orgasm and the penis. They are separate issues. Cause if we at a lower level of it, and we’re hooked on the penis power, and this man won’t even buy you some shrimp from Long John Silvers. And what. That plate what… $2.99?

Also, the bit about the jackrabbit is CLASSIC.

Honestly I must applaud her for her complete comfort discussing the topic at hand and complete lack of traditional euphemisms, even if she does have a few ... issues.

*Not Safe For Work Not Even For Sex Workers Or Those In The Porn Industry

And since we're talking about fashion...

2007-04-18T09:58:00.000-06:00

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I am STOKED about the return of leggings. Yesterday, I even saw these beauties at shopbop:

That's right, scrunch leggings. But $58 is too much to pay for a passing fad, so if anyone sees a knock-off, alert me immediately!

And now, for more stuff I'm not supposed to like...

2007-04-18T09:06:00.000-06:00

So the other day I was in the mall with my super adorable son getting his super adorable 15-month pictures taken. On our way out, we passed by Forever 21, a store which had previously never impressed me. Except this time, there were tunics:

And this adorable rainbow hoodie:

Ok, those aren't the exact things I saw, but those are their adorable colleagues that I found online. I wasn't able to try anything on at the store, what with the squirming baby in my arms, but we're talking less than $20 per shirt here, people. Which is exactly what you want to pay for something like tunics or rainbow hoodies, things my children will look back at me wearing in pictures and snicker. They'll open up the photo albums just to show their friends how RIDICULOUS mom looked, and I'll glance over and sigh and say something nostalgic like, "It was the one time fashion was ever on my side..." Because this is my year, people. Everyone gets their chance, some people are blessed with more than one chance, but this is my year! Fashion is actually flattering on my figure! This year! I must find a way to work these items into my budget.

(I should note that I already have a few ADORABLE pieces from Target, one tunic, one babydoll dress, and one sleeveless tunic/summer dress hybrid.)

Plus, leggings are totally back, and I am not ashamed to admit that I have been waiting for this comeback since like 1992 when I got my first pair. I had black ones with a lace trim at the bottom, and they totally have those at Macy's, so I know where I'm going folks. Hello? Leggings will look so cute with my Target babydoll dress (which also looks awesome over jeans, thankyouverymuch).

Oh, and I'm not supposed to like Forever 21 because of this, but I am as capable of ignoring evangelism as I am of changing the channel when something crappy is on TV, so.

Attack of the DaVinci Code

2007-04-18T08:18:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I know I'm the last person on earth to read The Da Vinci Code, and yeah, I know it's painfully unhip to be reading The DaVinci Code, but I couldn't care less. I started it Friday night (after finishing Spook, which wasn't anywhere near as good as the Stiff, but that's not what I'm blogging about). Between Friday night and Monday morning, every moment not spent running errands or tending to the baby was spent reading The DaVinci Code. Say what you want about the book, the author, or the Catholic Church - it really draws you in right from the beginning.

Trouble is, now I'm about 100 pages shy of the finish line, and I ... don't care anymore. This book should be over by now, right? How many more times can they elude capture? How many more crossword puzzles can they do?

Maybe I'd be more interested if the conspiracy wasn't all over the place and I didn't already know What The Holy Grail Is, etc. Honestly though after Monday morning, I haven't had the energy to pick it up again. I will finish it... eventually.

In the meantime, courtesy of Mr. Picassohead, here is The DaVinci Code as re-imagined by Picasso (and me!):

Dear Sister

2007-04-15T15:02:00.000-06:00

In case you missed it, watch last night's SNL digital short "Dear Sister" before NBC pulls it from YouTube. Apparently it's an O.C. reference, but having never watched the O.C., we still found it rather amusing:

You can watch the original O.C. scene here.

C'mon, Chemicals!

2007-04-13T14:16:00.000-06:00

Ok, I know I promised no more YouTubes today - and technically this isn't from YouTube - but this is SO worth it.

I didn't see Of Montreal last night on Conan because I don't stay up that late, but seriously y'all. A lobster arm? And are those crab legs or octopus tentacles or what? I almost worry that the bizarre performance detracts from the song, but it's so damn catchy I don't think it has to worry.

I've said it before in other circles, but it bears repeating that "Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse" is hands-down the best song about depression that doesn't make me want to kill myself.

Much thanks to You Ain't No Picasso for the heads-up.

Don't pack your bags just yet

2007-04-13T10:07:00.000-06:00

Just when you think the U.S. and A. is the least immigrant-friendly place on earth, Australia reminds us two can play at that game. Via Slog

For no mere mortal can resist

2007-04-13T08:52:00.000-06:00

I realize the YouTube-ing has been excessive recently, but... I can't stop myself. Maybe someone should schedule an intervention. I'll let you know when I'm available.

When I die, I want to reincarnated as an Indian pop star. I want to sincerely do this shit without irony or a big stupid goofy grin or anything. It's like when I was a kid and used to dance around my room to Paula Abdul, only with a bigger budget:

For those of you too lazy to actually watch it, or who require more incentive, it's some Indian dude dressed up as Michael Jackson, with the Thriller music sort of sped up in the background, and what I can only assume are the Thriller lyrics translated into Hindi, except for the parts where he's yelling "Killer, killer!" Blessedly, the Thriller dance moves remain unchanged. It could only be better if there was an Indian Vincent Price, but alas.

I promise this is my last YouTube for ... well, given how fast things move on the internet, I'll try to make it my last YouTube of the day. At the very least, it's my last of the morning. Promise.

Cry, Cry, Cry

2007-04-13T08:36:00.000-06:00

Because I feel bad about leaving Ryan Adams out of my brief list of reasons why 2007 is the bestest year in recent memory, here is a YouTube of Adams' performing one of my favorites, "Touch, Feel & Lose." (I know you've got things to do. Just press play and listen while you read the rest of your feeds.)

Ryan Adams' new record Easy Tiger is due June 5.

Eagle Vs. Shark Trailer

2007-04-12T14:25:00.000-06:00

Let's combine three of my favorite things:

Awkward indie hipster romantic comedies. (I loved Garden State, and your feelings on Zach Braff are irrelevant.)
Indie music from New Zealand. (I was going to link to a post I had written about how music from New Zealand and, to a slightly lesser extent, Australia is the best music ever except looking through, I don't think I've actually written one. So: music from New Zealand and, to a slightly lesser extent - though not by much - Australia is the best music ever.)
Those adorable kiwi eksints. I would pay $12.50 to listen to any one of them read the back of a cereal box.

Anyway, all those things combine to make, dun dun dun dun! Eagle Vs. Shark!

So yes, all this is true. Looking forward to seeing Eagle Vs. Shark, though it probably won't be until it's out on DVD, which is fine. It's worth waiting for.

In the meantime, The Phoenix Foundation (that's the band that did the soundtrack for Eagle Vs. Shark - keep up) is having a US tour fundraiser on April 28. If you happen to live in or around Wellington, you should totally go and sing along extra loud since I can't be there.

Alanis Morissette is cool again.

2007-04-12T14:10:00.000-06:00

Don't pretend you just knew she was still so awesome and ironic and whatnot. In case you haven't seen it yet, here she is covering The Black-Eyed Peas' "My Humps."

Instant classic.

I'm Famous!

2007-04-12T11:23:00.000-06:00

Well, specifically the view from my window is.

(And by the end of the day, the snow was piled over 7 inches.)

Presidential Tag Cloud

2007-04-12T10:49:00.000-06:00

This has to be one of the coolest things I've ever seen - a tag cloud of presidential speeches. Scroll through and see what our leaders were talking about and when.

Via Slog

A Concert Violinist Plays the Subway Station

2007-04-12T09:37:00.000-06:00

A couple months ago, folks at the Washington Post came up with a social experiment: place violinist Joshua Bell in a Washington, D.C. Metro station and see if anyone notices. You are encouraged to read the full article here. The article is long but fascinating, filled with points of philosophy, sociology, and of course a few anecdotes on classical music and Bell himself. It also features video of Bell's Metro station performance and the few people who stopped to watch him.

Just over a thousand people passed him by on their way to work that morning, and only a handful noticed. Even fewer stopped to listen. One person recognized him. None of which is a judgment on the thousand commuters who kept walking. I readily submit to you my ignorance on classical music - that being said, I do like it and often listen to the classical station in the car. However, I too probably would have kept on walking. I know this because when I lived in San Francisco I climbed out of the Embarcadero Station every week day for nearly three years and only once or twice did I stop to listen to the musicians playing inside - and those one or two times happened at the end of the day, when I had all the time in the world to devote to listening to some guy play his saxophone at the bottom of the stairs.

That leads me to my other theory on why no one stopped to listen. I've already admitted that I know next to nothing about classical music. I know I like it when it sounds pretty or when I've been listening long enough and really get into a piece, but I know nothing about playing, composing or music theory in general: I wouldn't know a good performance if it slapped me upside the head. For the majority of us, we need someone else to point it out, to tell us to stop and listen. Then some of us will do just that. Some of us will sincerely enjoy it, some will convince ourselves we've enjoyed it because we've been told to, and others will still keep walking because it's just not their cup of tea.

The most fascinating finding of the experiment?

There was no ethnic or demographic pattern to distinguish the people who stayed to watch Bell, or the ones who gave money, from that vast majority who hurried on past, unheeding. Whites, blacks and Asians, young and old, men and women, were represented in all three groups. But the behavior of one demographic remained absolutely consistent. Every single time a child walked past, he or she tried to stop and watch. And every single time, a parent scooted the kid away.

There is a dangerous tendency to analyze the experiment and humbug the thousand people who had to get to work, to wag our fingers at them and say they were too consumed by bureaucracy or the almighty dollar. That almighty dollar is a roof over my head, food in my child's belly, clothes on his back. It would be great if we could all live a life of leisure and get to know the finer things, but that's not how our society is structured. You work for what you have so you can more enjoy the time off. And for some people, that scheduled time off includes a ticket to see Joshua Bell play his violin.

2007 continues its musical reign

2007-04-11T13:00:00.000-06:00

The White Stripes announce the release of Icky Thump worldwide June 19th! Plus, the music that plays on the site's welcome page made my 15-month-old stop what he was doing and dance. Can't beat that.

This news comes on top of the already-released albums by The Shins, of Montreal, Modest Mouse, and The Rosebuds. Still to come: Rufus Wainwright, Liam Finn, The New Pornographers, Crowded House, Wilco, etc. Even the two new Tori tracks I downloaded the other day aren't horrible (though I'll be damned if I can find a link to the site that had them).

Basically every band I like has a new record this year except Belle & Sebastian. I swear even John & George are sending demos to Paul & Ringo from the great beyond.

The Tyger

2007-04-11T09:35:00.000-06:00

As a rule, I have no opinion on poetry. Well, not no opinion, but I do tend to ignore it for the most part. However, this being National Poetry Month and all, I hereby pledge to actually read any short poems that I happen to stumble upon and sort of skim any long poems that cross my path. And so it happens that I stumbled upon a short poem the other day:

The Tyger, by William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright,
In the forests of the night:
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes!
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand, dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder, and what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? And what dread feet?

What the hammer? What the chain,
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp,
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears
And watered heaven with their tears:
Did he smile, his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright,
In the forests of the night:
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Not only did I read it, I read the several paragraphs of analysis that followed in its Wikipedia entry. And I enjoyed it in the vague way that I have enjoyed whatever other poems I have vaguely enjoyed. (One question: did people used to pronounce "eye" or "symmetry" differently, or is it a slant rhyme type of thing?) (Also: are you totally impressed that the very same girl who professes no great love of poetry knows what slant rhyme is?) (Lastly: did you know that it's the only poetical-type technique thing I can name and therefore I bring it up anytime I think it might be relevant?)

Anyway, the real reason I'm talking about this: I was reading Neil Gaiman's blog the other day, and he posted this video which is loosely based on The Tyger (and thusly I was curious and went and read the poem). The music is driving and intense, the colors, the puppet, the animation, the stills, everything. People who argue that no one makes good art anymore aren't looking.

You only damn the ones you love

2007-04-10T15:12:00.000-06:00

No sooner do I finish writing my previous post than I go back to the Webby nominees list and find You Are Damned. This is so brilliant I gave it its own post, so go! Husband won't pick up his dirty socks? Damn him! Friend won't stop bitching about the White Sox? DAMN HIM! Haven't picked on your sister in a while? You know what to do. Bonus points if the damned actually takes offense.

Note to everyone I know: expect a message of damnation shortly.

2007 Webby Award Nominations!

2007-04-10T11:00:00.000-06:00

I've been skimming the list of Webby nominees this afternoon. Some favorites represented: Slate, The Onion, Best Week Ever, and holy crap Last.fm! That one excites me so much because I accidentally stumbled upon it last year while googling "Stacked Crooked" (I never did find out what the hell the words are - Carl Newman, why do you vex me so?!), and it would totally be my #1 Internet Favorite Thing except that I met my husband online, so.

Scrolling through there are tons of sites I've never heard of because I am painfully out of touch. Among the things I hadn't seen before:

wefeelfine.org - I feel I should start beginning all my sentences with 'I feel' so I can become a part of online art. (Amy, if you haven't seen this already, I think you especially will enjoy.)
FactCheck.org - Because politicians say all kinds of things.
UGO.com - I made my own superhero with their Hero Machine. I named her Birdie because I couldn't think of anything else. Is she good or evil?
She has four arms which I think would be useful for regular life in addition to super hero life. She also has a big stick for hitting things and for getting items off the top shelf in the closet.

Anyway, I'm still making my way through the nominees. Share your favorites in the comments section, and don't forget to vote!

Oh joy! It's soy!

2007-04-10T09:31:00.000-06:00

I received a sample of a SoyJoy fruit & soy bar yesterday, and I was of course suspicious. As a rule, nutrition bars taste like dirt and contain about a gazillion calories. I was especially concerned after I opened the package - do you remember that Play-Doh gadget where you shoved the Play-Doh in a crevice and pushed down on the lever, and depending on which stencil frame (circle, square, star, etc.) you had chosen, you would then watch as your Play-Doh squeezed out a long circle, square, or star rope? Clearly, the people at SoyJoy chose the square stencil. Still, it was free and from the looks of the nutrition facts, actually healthy, so I tried it. I had the apple flavor. While I wouldn't characterize it as a flavor explosion or anything, it was surprisingly tasty. Even the baby liked it, which made me really happy because now I can picture myself confidently tossing a soy bar into his lunch bag in a few years and know that he'll eat it. And in the meantime, it'll be an easy take-along to the playground.

What's that? You want to try SoyJoy for yourself? You can! Click there and they'll send you three bars in a few weeks, and then you can feel smug while all your friends are deluding themselves into thinking Nutrigrain bars are anything other than convenient, chewable packets of high fructose corn syrup.

(Unfortunately for me, SoyJoy are not readily available in my area, and my only ordering option is drugstore.com, which requires me to buy $49 worth to qualify for free shipping. And while they're good, I'm not sure I'm prepared to spend $50 on soy just yet.)

Geraldo Rivera: The Voice of Reason

2007-04-06T14:32:00.000-06:00

The backstory: a piece of shit drunk driver killed two teenage girls in Virginia Beach. It just so happens he's an illegal immigrant. Watch as Bill O'Reilly goes APESHIT:

And while we're on it, do me a favor everybody and please drink responsibly this weekend. (And always, for that matter.)

Hat tip to The Zero Boss for the video.

With an extra $200 a month...

2007-04-06T09:43:00.000-06:00

Well, an extra $200 after paying off more principal on the house and sticking some in savings. So let's call it an extra $400 a month. Now that my empty pocketbook and I have grown used to one another's company, I've been thinking a lot lately about what adventures we might have should said pocketbook no longer be empty. I'd like to think that this is all relatively modest:

Repaint my dining and living rooms. What in god's name convinced me that "butter yellow" was actually any color other than off-white?
Get a Brewers 10-pack. Season tickets are extravagant and for people who have lots and lots of time on their hands. 10 games a year is totally reasonable, methinks.
Purchase an opera subscription. A subscription is to theater what season tickets are sports. Even if my local opera company did more than three operas a season like, say, San Francisco or London or something, I would still get the whole subscription. (Yes, I'm more devoted to the arts than I am to the Brewers, fuck off.)
Get a gym membership. Yeah, I've lost you now. You were with me for the repainting. You were cheering me on for the baseball! But the opera? Nobody actually likes that anyway. And now the gym? Bare with me. Exercise helps you deal with stress. So when the baby's driving me up the wall, I can better deal (or at least look fabulous doing it). Plus, at a certain membership level, members are given two free hours per day to use the in-gym daycare. And I couldn't possibly lose my motivation to go to the gym because going to the gym will mean TWO BABYFREE HOURS. And that, my friends, is why I want a gym membership. Oh, and one more thing...
An iPod.

Now you tell me your full pocketbook fantasies!

Good Honest Annie Since 1896.

2007-04-06T09:01:00.000-06:00

This type of stuff is so useless, but here it is anyway. Go here and type in your name or your friend's name or what you had for dinner last night, and see it inserted into a slogan for your especial amusement. (Thanks to Amy for the link.)

Insert your own joke here

2007-04-06T08:55:00.000-06:00

Twenty four of the funniest and most baffling seconds you will ever see: Dick Cheney lurking in the bushes.

Thanks to Slog and Dan Savage for the heads up.

I ♥ Thursdays

2007-04-05T13:23:00.000-06:00

Wednesdays are good because I love me some Top Model and Lost. However, Thursday is the night of good comedies! (Plus one comedy in which I am emotionally invested and therefore can't stop watching no matter how bad it gets.)

Tonight! The Office! Roy attacks Jim! Who knows how Jim will react to this? Probably by being all, "Whoa man!" and then somehow lucking out of the situation. Jim's a lover, not a fighter.

Tonight! 30 Rock! I have no idea what's happening tonight on 30 Rock, but whatever it is, it's NEW! And that's good! Want to do something really fun to waste time until the show? Play Marry, Boff, Kill, direct to you from the creators of the show. It's perfect for all you bored, ironic types. For the record, I would marry Albert Einstein, boff Johnny Depp (who wouldn't?) and kill Mariah Carey.

I ♥ Immigrants

2007-04-05T12:46:00.000-06:00

John McWhorter states eloquently what I've been thinking for years: Bilingualism is normal, and all without openly telling Newt Gingrich to suck it (but I like to imagine he was thinking it as he typed).

Second letter to an old friend who did not respond to the first

2007-03-29T16:38:00.000-06:00

Dear Dan,

Not exactly the happy reunion I'd hoped for, I suppose. I know having
a baby around is hectic, but come on! Throw me a bone! Anything!
For example, you say something like: "Hello, how are you! The last
movie I saw was Wild Hogs, it is now my absolutely favorite piece of
cinema ever in the whole world. I have enrolled in a PhD program
recently and will be writing my thesis on the relationship between
John Travolta and William H. Macy in Wild Hogs and how that compares
to the migratory habits of North American seagulls. What have you
been up to?"

I might reply something to the effect of, "Wow, Dan, that's really
impressive. There were a lot of messages in that film. It was dense
and mutlilayered like an onion. I'm so glad to find someone so
inspired by it. Unfortunately, I prefer John C. McGinley as a
spitfire doctor and not a loserly cop, so I must give Wild
Hogs two thumbs down. Have fun writing your thesis! Cordially,
Annie."

Am I close?

Cordially,

Annie

Liam Finn! Album! Update! Sort of!

2007-03-29T08:53:00.000-06:00

My crack detective skills at work once again:

The closest thing to real news I have to report: Look for a July 2007 release of Liam's record, which may or may not be titled I'll Be Lightning. I'd also like to think I know his record label, and that it's a U.S. label (Hello tour!), but I'm not confident enough on this front to really say anything yet.

Due to a recent message on Betchadupa's website, I no longer believe that they are completely kaput. I'm going to think of it as more of a Justin-Timberlake-keeping-the-rumors-of-an-*N Sync-reunion-alive kind of a thing. (Yes, I just compared Liam Finn to Justin Timberlake. No, I have no idea what that means. I do feel compelled to note however that while I did find that "Bye Bye Bye" song kind of catchy, I do not own any *N Sync or JT solo albums. I do however think Justin Timberlake was a great SNL host and yes, really foxy. I mean, the man brought sexy back!)

Oh right, the message (dated 17 March 2007):
hello there!
1st message of the year and only 3 months in, i think we're getting better...
liam has been very busy indeed making his first solo record over summer in nz. he's putting the final touches on it as we speak and it should be out sometime mid year. check his myspace page for shows and album updates. get excited!!!
we're all almost back in london now so there may even be a few dupa shows along the way.
keep your eyes open
dupa.

Also, this rather amusing message is worth reading. Was it written with a brilliant sense of irony, or perhaps it was fueled by drugs and/or alcohol? You decide.

In the meantime, please visit Liam's myspace and have a listen to "Wise Man," which I cannot stop humming.

The Literary Guild

2007-03-28T11:54:00.000-06:00

Because I love a full inbox and have no friends, I give myself a good lashing now and again and sign up for some service which promises to send me at least half a dozen pointless emails a day - emails which are not quite spam but which I will delete before even opening them anyway. This means I get that momentary thrill in the morning when I see that I've got 24 new messages waiting for me, but without the pesky annoyance of actually having to read them. Is Amy coming for a spontaneous weekend visit? Have my adoring legions of fans started writing me love letters and offering me money? Has Matt finally bought the new of Montreal record and wants to apologize for being such a dolt and not listening to me when I told him to buy it months ago? Is Liam Finn finally ready to proclaim his undying lust for me?

Listen, that kind of gratification is for people who like things easy. As anyone who knows me will tell you [Since most of you don't know Annie: what follows is sarcasm. --ed.], I prefer the road less traveled. And that road, strangely, is littered with sales at the Gap, dessert ideas from Nestle, and notifications of myspace messages from users who have been deleted by the time I check my myspace inbox. Delete delete delete.

Recently, Adam convinced me to try this MyPoints thing. You slowly build your number of points over time and if you want, you respond to their offers for even more points. Eventually, you turn in your points for gift cards. In a nutshell: You sign up. They send you several emails a day. You click on the red button contained in the emails and earn 5 points. Sounds like it might take forever, right? That's because it does. However, there is little or no work going into this on your part. It takes me about 5 seconds every morning to click on the little red button and earn 5 points. Anyway, I'm not going to go on and on about this service, but if you want more information, you are encouraged to leave a note in the comments, and I'll email you an invite (yes, I get points for that).

The reason I bring up my inbox whoring and specifically MyPoints is because this very morning, I received an email offer from them which may prove life changing. I clicked on the red button to earn my 5 points. I glanced at the window that had opened up for the service they were trying to sell me: The Literary Guild. As you might imagine, they are purveyors of fine literature and condescension. The intelligentsia! The sharpest minds in the world today debating the existence of god, solving the crisis in Iraq, listening to NPR!

Or that's what it should have been. "The Literary Guild" is apparently your one-stop shop for books online: Five books for $2! Tell me more! What classics, what great tomes of literature might I find here to expand my knowledge, to shake the very cores of my belief systems?

Sorry, friends, no existentialist theory here. The first books listed on the page are by Mary Higgins Clark, James Patterson, and last but not least Danielle Steel. Not looking for a novel? How about Montel's psychic pal Sylvia Browne? Oooh! Rachael Ray! Don't you just LOVE her? Don't you just want to squeeze her until her eye balls pop out and her circulatory system busts through her skin?

Hmm... 5 books for $2, and that's 5 authors up there. But one of them is going to have to go. I just found out The Literary Guild is selling... The Secret. You know The Secret, right? Oprah won't shut up about it - it's the law of attraction, the power of positive thought.

I feel like I was drawn to this book. Like, I was thinking to myself months ago, "I need to know The Secret." And The Secret made it happen. The Secret told me to whine to Adam about wanting free stuff. The Secret told Adam to invite me to join MyPoints. The Secret waited patiently. The Secret wanted to make sure I was really ready to let The Secret in.

The Secret proudly boasts on its website that it will usher in A New Era for Humankind. One person at a time, my friends. Today, The Secret has availed itself to me for the low, low price of 40¢ (plus the extra $1.60 for the other four books and the cost of shipping as well as The Literary Guild's membership requirements).

Now, for your viewing enjoyment, The Secret Riches Visualization Tool:

I don't know about everybody else, but I am totally going to start visualizing myself a genie in a bottle. How cool would that thing be at parties?

A Hard Day's Night of the Living Dead

2007-03-27T09:26:00.000-06:00

This one's for Matt:

My favorite part has to be the titles proclaiming "Legendary music! Gripping terror!"

Rufus! May 15th!

2007-03-27T08:17:00.000-06:00

This really is shaping up to be the best music year in recent memory. I should start keeping a list now so I don't leave anybody out in any end-of-year lists I see fit to make. Anyway, this just in:

Rufus Wainwright will release his fifth album, Release the Stars, on Geffen on May 15. Pet Shop Boys singer Neil Tennant executive produced the Want Two follow-up, which is Wainwright's first self-produced album. Producers Marius DeVries and Andy Bradfield mixed the record, and it features contributions from Richard Thompson, Joan Wasser (Antony and the Johnsons), and actress Siân Phillips as well.

(Ok, never heard of Siân Phillips before right now, but I am delighted and relieved to tell you all that she is of no relation to Bijou. Siân appears to be a now-elderly Welsh actress who was once married to Peter O'Toole. Why she's on Rufus' new album remains to be seen.)

The album cover...

And finally, a link to the good news so you can see for yourself.

FOR SALE: Baby, slightly used, not house-trained, $500 obo

2007-03-24T14:16:00.000-06:00

A Texas legislator wants to give you $500 to give your child up for adoption rather than have that abortion. Yeehaw! Half dozen or so of those things and I'm gettin' me one of them teevees you hang on the wall.

Hey, speaking of selling babies, some morons tried to sell their toddler for $3000 and an SUV. This isn't surprising to me because (a) stupid people are everywhere, but (b) more importantly, it took place in Owensboro, KY, across the river from where I grew up.

While we're brushing up on the laws in Kentucky, I thought it would be nice to remind everyone, what with Easter fast approaching and all, that the dyeing of baby chicks, selling of dyed baby chicks, or owning of dyed baby chicks is totally illegal. So don't do it.

Also, bagged salad is on sale for a dollar at the grocery store

2007-03-23T14:19:00.000-06:00

Suddenly I've overcome with cool sites and news, so here's a run-down of stuff worth sharing:

Great googlymoogly, the new Rosebuds album is available streaming in its entirety here. In addition, it is available for pre-order now - otherwise you can wait until April 10 to have a walk down to your favorite record store. If you don't know The Rosebuds, they're sort of guitar DIY-ishness except not as lame as my description made that sound. Although listening to the stream now, it sounds like they've mixed things up a bit this time around. You can listen to four of their songs on myspace too if you'd like.
Came across this chart entitled Religion and Sexual Ethics online today, republished as it originally appeared in the SF Chronicle in 1994. Notice how the Buddhists are down with just about everything and, say, the Catholics are down with NOTHING.
Umm, GodTube. It's like YouTube, only for Christians. Behold, the banana, the atheist's worst nightmare. Dan Savage offers a comparison:
But... hmm... what else has a point at the top, for ease of entry, and is just the right shape for the human mouth? And is sometimes curved toward the face to make a whole other process even easier?
Guess we should all be thanking the Lord for that as well. Well, not me personally. I'm a girl.
Finally, Neal Pollack relates the questions his little boy asked while Dad tried to teach him to play Millipede:
"Daddy, why are there bugs?"

"There just are."

"Then why am I shooting them?"

"Because they want to kill you. In this game. Not in real life."

"In real life they want to suck my blood."

"Some of them do."

"Or eat poop."

"Again, some of them."
Heh. I can't wait for my son to start talking.

Concert envy

2007-03-23T10:43:00.000-06:00

I have seen some good shows in my day. Shows where I was there not only for the main act but the opening band as well. Rufus Wainwright opening for Tori. The New Pornographers opening for Belle & Sebastian. Bic Runga opening for The Finn Brothers. Epic freaking nights for someone like me.

Also, I can think of at least two occasions where I didn't know the opening act but enjoyed their performances nonetheless: Jonathan Richman opening for Belle & Sebastian and Angela McCluskey opening for The Finn Brothers (two nights in a row!). I even went out and bought Angela's album after that. So I've had my fair share of good shows, and I shouldn't be complaining now.

But I'm going to anyway. Connan & the Mockasins are opening for I'm From Barcelona! March 27th! 4 days from now! In London! And I? Am not in London.

*pout* I casually and unreasonably toss the evil eye at my hometown for the crime of not being within driving distance of London.

Common Misconceptions about Mormon Undergarments

2007-03-23T09:09:00.000-06:00

Or, why I should have been thinking about how no one ever deposits a million dollars into my bank account

Not 20 minutes ago I was reading the Slate Explainer column on whether Mormon athletes wear their temple garments under their uniforms (short answer: no). After I finished the article I was chiding myself, "See, Annie, Mormon underwear is weird, but they're just Christians like all the other Christians, and they get a bad rap, and for that matter, all Christians get a bad rap. They're really just nice people, and it's the whack jobs who get all the press." And that, I believe, is the truth. I also thought to myself how weird it was that I hadn't had anyone proselytizing at my door lately (probably due to the cold weather), when I-shit-you-not I-am-not-making-this-up I heard voices outside and my doorbell rang. I don't know what denomination they were, but they wanted to leave me a pamphlet, which I refused. I would have taken their pamphlet before telling them I wasn't interested, but it would have been a waste of paper because I would have immediately thrown it out. So I helped save the earth today!

Anyway, I came away from this encounter shaking my head in disbelief going, "I am so blogging this," so I sat back down at the computer and started typing. Then I found myself clicking through the links in the Slate article, and one led me to Mormon-underwear.com. Hoping they might have a picture of these mysterious undergarments, I explored the site. Eventually I wound up on their "Common Misconceptions" page. Wanting to not be an ignorant person and eager to more understand my fellow human beings, I read them:

Misconception Explanation

mormon underwear has knee protectors and nipple protectors Mormon garments do not have knee protectors, or any other type of protectors. Members of the LDS church who are engaged in activities requiring physical protectors of any sort would have to use them just like anyone else.

I'm not sure why a popular misconception of Mormon undergarments is that they contain nipple protectors (protection from chafing, maybe?). Maybe it has to do with the fact that they're expected to be worn under a bra (according to the Slate article). I'm not sure how that would work (or could ever possibly be comfortable), but I'm sure they've worked that out.

Misconception Explanation

you have to wear mormon underwear for life Since mormon garments serve as a reminder of promises made in the temple, members of the church choose to wear them at all times when it is appropriate. If they didn't it wouldn't serve as a very good reminder! Obviously at times when you wouldn't wear normal underwear (such as bathing or swimming) mormons wouldn't wear their garments.

Sure, this makes sense. I'm glad to see that Mormons recognize that daily life does not always lend itself to the wearing of impractical undergarments.

Misconception Explanation

mormon underwear helps to discipline young boys against masturbation
First of all, young boys wouldn't be wearing garments. Garmets are only worn after attending the temple (see FAQs). In addition, while mormons believe that masturbation is not an appropriate activity, they learn this in their church classes, not through their underwear.

Yeah, young boys don't wear the undergarment - they haven't been to temple. Duh. Also, underwear is the LEAST effective way of teaching the immorality of masturbation. My body is a temple, not a funhouse. Glad we cleared that up.

See? Why is everyone so suspicious at the prospect of Mitt Romney becoming President? Maybe they're just jealous because they've got to shop at Wal-Mart for their drawers.

Still, I suppose I won't be joining the Latter Day Saints for any church picnics this summer.

The New Pornographers!

2007-03-22T14:25:00.000-06:00

The New Pornographers are promising updates on the new album soon exclusively to those who sign up for the band's mailing list.

Regardless of your true and conflicting feelings for A.C. Newman, you know what you have to do! Go! Sign up now!

Betchadupa on YouTube!

2007-03-22T10:12:00.000-06:00

I uploaded something to YouTube! Something that's not a 3-minute video of my kid laughing! Something that hundreds, if not dozens, of people will want to see!

Be among the first! The only! Watch a gorgeous, visually interesting video (and not just Liam's beautiful bearded face) from a great but probably defunct[1] band!

[1] Seriously, though, I don't mean to come across as all gloom and doom. It's just the way I am. (Just ask my spouse after watching, umm, any television show with me. I tend to make Pronouncements.) I really hope Betchadupa stays together and continues to rock my world. I'm just calling it like I see it. Still, Liam Finn solo album, yay, yum, etc.

The List

2007-03-22T07:54:00.000-06:00

The list of cds I want is growing too rapidly. Ordinarily this isn't a problem, but umm, with no amoeba nearby and no cash money in the pocket anyway, bleh. Below is but a sampling:

Let's Get Out of This Country
Camera Obscura

Sneaky Sneaky Dogfriend 7"
Connan & the Mockasins

Destroyer's Rubies
Destroyer

Let Me Introduce My Friends
I'm from Barcelona

Real Life
Joan as Police Woman

Trompe-L'oeil
Malajube

Execution of All Things
Rilo Kiley

The Hunt Brings Us Life
Samuel Flynn Scott

Living with the Living
Ted Leo & the Pharmacists

Increase your indie cred!

2007-03-21T13:06:00.000-06:00

Several months back I was talking to this girl Marisa, a friend of my brother-in-law Matt's, and somehow it came up that she had been to New Zealand. I, being the spaz that I am, made several pronouncements about how jealous I was and probably also that I officially hated her (but in a good way). Then I'm sure I got around to the reason why I was so jealous and why I love New Zealand so much: the music, of course.

Forget about Lord of the Rings, who cares about the sailing, fuck the sheep (actually... nevermind) - all of my favorite things about that part of the world revolve around music. It all started with Neil Finn nearly 10 years ago and branched out from there. Hearing that I like NZ music, she told me that while she was there (over New Year's Eve several years back) she saw this band... and the band was fucking Fur Patrol.

Ok, remember earlier when I said went all spaz-tastic just because she'd been to New Zealand? Yeah, well, by this point I was jumping all over the room pulling on my hair. Not only did I not have to explain who Fur Patrol are, I didn't have explain how good they are either. She saw them live! I don't remember exactly how she came upon the show - she and a friend stumbled upon the show while, I don't know, I think maybe they were ditching some drunk friends or something. I didn't care as much about that part of the story.

And why am I telling you this? So that you too may know awesome-osity that is Fur Patrol. I'm really bad at describing music (and generally hate most music descriptions, in fact), so here's where you really have to trust me on this one. In a very general way, we're talking about a four-piece indie rock band with a girl singer. To me, they're all of the things that Garbage should have been but never quite lived up to. Here's the rather sadistic video for "Precious":

When you're ready, you can get their albums - Pet and Collider - from smokecds.com in New Zealand. (Shipping isn't bad at all, and with the US dollar stronger than the NZ dollar, it works well in your favor. Trust me, I've done this a lot.) In the meantime, enjoy some more of their videos on You Tube and have a go at their myspace page to listen to the new demos. I think they even have some of the tracks off Collider streaming on furpatrol.com.

Soon you'll want to go to New Zealand too.

Liam Finn was at SXSW

2007-03-20T20:19:00.000-06:00

And I was not. Subterranean was though, and they saw him. They even blogged him. (They also mention in an earlier post that rumors of a Betchadupa break-up are "swirling around the Internet." Did I do that?)

Liam himself blogged his adventure in pictures, and you can view them all here.

Also at SXSW were The Rosebuds, interviewed here.

And if I had two tiny wishes, it would have been to see The Rosebuds and Liam Finn play SXSW. I wouldn't have taken up anymore seats after that. Or maybe I would have, but I'm small, so you wouldn't have noticed me. Actually, thinking about it, I think I'll have more opportunities to see The Rosebuds what with them being an American band and all, but Liam? Needs a passport and probably a visa, etc.

Ooh! Liam should tour with The Phoenix Foundation when they tour the U.S. now that they have an American label. Would that also require Liam to get a U.S. record deal? I have no idea how these things work.

20% of you will find this baffling

2007-03-20T15:25:00.000-06:00

According to Oprah's Bra Revolution, 80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size, and people, I am one of them. My back often hurts (like right now), and I'm constantly tugging on the band or pulling the straps back up on my shoulders. I have gained and lost over 40 pounds since high school and have nursed a child over a year, yet I'm still wearing the same 36C I was then. So this afternoon I set out to discover my "true" bra size, and what I've learned is that I am more confused than ever.

Hanes.com has a bra size calculator. I started here because I like the new commercials with Jennifer Love Hewitt, and I want my boobs to look like hers. Following their instructions, I measured first under my bust around the rib cage (32"), and then around the fullest part (37.5"). Unfortunately their calculator won't allow you to do a half-inch, so according to them I'm either a 36A or 36B.
Figleaves.com doesn't deal with pesky measurements in their advice on how to find your true bra size. Rather, they want to you think about how your current bras fit and adjust from there. My back band rides up, and I think my cups are too big, so according to them I should try a 34B. I think. I'm not comfortable with guesstimation, especially when ordering online (and potentially having to mail things back).
BareNecessities.com illustrates their measuring process with this helpful image. Assuming I measured properly, I got 36" in Step #1 and either 37" or 39" inches in Step #2, so that makes me either a 36A or 36C. Great, but now I have that song from The Jungle Book stuck in my head.
Victoria's Secret, my least favorite lingerie store of all time, uses the same measuring instructions as Hanes (measure rib cage, then fullest part of bust). This is worth visiting if only for the "seductive" way the model wields a tape measure. By Victoria's Secret's calculations I'm either a 36E or a 38D. They suggest I try both sizes and pick the one that fits best. (That's the best advice the inventors of "Secret Embrace Technology" can offer me?)
GapBody instructs me to first measure around my rib cage (32") and add 5 to that number (so 37). Next subtract that number from my bust measurement (either 37", 37.5", 38", or 39", depending on how I measure--yeah). The difference (0, .5, 1, or 2 inches) means I'm, um, a nothing, a nothing and a half, an A cup, or a B cup. Wait, what was my band size? They don't sell a 37". It can't be 32" because that would indicate my Gap dress size is somewhere between 0 and 4, which it is not. Looks like I won't be buying a bra from them either.
Intimacy, the store owned by Oprah's bra guru, has a lot of information on bra size and women who wear the wrong one, etc. Their bra fit questionnaire is three questions - current band size (36), current cup size (C), and current blouse size (8-10). And their answer? "You should be wearing a 34D size based upon your body frame and current cup size." This, I am promised, will keep my straps from falling down, the band from riding up, provide maximum lift and support, maximize definition and increase protection, and make me more comfortable. And well, that's what I'm looking for in a bra. If I could afford to shop at Intimacy, I would head over there for a professional bra fitting and buy two or three bras, but I can't, so.

Let's review. My original size is 36C. My size recommendations were 34B, 34D, 36A (twice), 36B, 36C, 36E, and 38D (and no size from Gap because they're stupid). Bottom line: I have no idea what my bra size is. What I may have to do is go to Target or Boston Store or someplace (anywhere but Victoria's Secret) and just try on a bunch, which is my exact idea of hell. 80% of women in this country are wearing the wrong bra size, and now I know why.

(As an aside, while trying to think of a clever title for this post, I came up with "The Hunt for Red Octo-bra," which is, uh, a bra with 8 cups? and is not what I am looking for.)

Mail carriers to be replaced with androids, says USPS spokesman

2007-03-20T14:26:00.000-06:00

The Postal Service (no, not this one, the actual one) is raising its rates effective May 14 to 41¢ for first-class postage. They just increased the postage in January 2006 - I remember because I was mucho pregnant at the time and wanted to buy stamps for baby announcements. I never did send any announcements, but I did buy several sheets of Muppet stamps which the USPS quickly made obselete without the aid of a two-center.

Anyway, I could care less about the price of a stamp honestly - what I want to know is what Star Wars has do with anything?

Treat yourself

2007-03-19T11:55:00.000-06:00

Included in Amy's fan-fucking-tastic blog redesign is her portfolio, featuring some her fan-fucking-tastic art. You know how cool it would be to have a real live painting in your house? You know you're always telling yourself how you should support the arts, etc.? Now is your chance:

View from the Milwaukee Art Museum
Amy VanDonsel 2007
I know I'm her friend and all, so I'm biased, but this is gorgeous in a way that I don't even have words for. But before you feel too sorry for me and my complete and utter inability to buy original pieces of art, I should note that I do own at least one Amy VanDonsel original, proudly displayed in my living room:

This is one of my favoritest things in the whole world, and I find myself just looking at it at various times during the day. It's a collage of found items all arranged artfully behind the glass. (If that looks slightly less than stellar, it's because of my reflection against the glass as I took the picture.)

Hurray for art! Hurray for Amy!

Books via email

2007-03-19T11:41:00.000-06:00

Serious kudos to Amy who introduced me to DailyLit, which is this totally bitchin' website that lets you choose from all kinds of books and then emails them to you in tiny little doses. Sure, that means Dracula, which I am currently reading, is broken up into 187 parts. BUT I can also have the next part emailed to me right away if I've got time or whatever. In fact, $10 says I have it finished before I finish my actual physical current read, Anansi Boys.

Oh, also Amy has a fancy new design for her blog of which I am totally jealous. Go look!

Keeping Juan Valdez in business

2007-03-19T09:15:00.000-06:00

You know how kids do what their parents do? Like, if you sit around on your ass and watch tv all day, your kid will grow up sitting on his or her ass watching tv all day? Because you're teaching them how to do Life, and the life they're learning is ass-sitting and tv-watching. And probably several bags of Doritos thrown in there for good measure. Anyway, that's one of the reasons I keep my tv OFF during the day at home with my son (the other reason is that there is NOTHING on worth watching). It's not always a bad thing - kids learn the good and the neutral things you do as well. (Example: I grew up hundred of miles from my grandparents. Thus, growing up very far away from one's grandparents is a very normal concept for me. My husband, on the other hand, grew up a few blocks from his grandparents. Our son growing up hundreds or thousands of miles from his grandparents, as he currently is, is kind of weird for my husband. Get what I'm saying? However you grew up is what is normal to you. I'm not saying you can't wrap your mind around other ideas because obviously we do that all the time, and sometimes we do the exact opposite of how we learned from our parents. This too can be good or bad.)

So anyway, this basic principle (monkey see, monkey do) has me thinking about all kinds of things that I do that the monkey sees. This morning, it was my coffee. I drink a lot of coffee (my mother drinks a lot of coffee, my aunt drinks a lot of coffee, my grandmother drinks a lot of coffee, my cousins... you get the idea), and guess-who has noticed. Well, he hasn't noticed that it's coffee in there because he's never had coffee, but he knows that I'm always carrying around or reheating a mug of something, and so like everything else I have, he wants that something.

This morning he was squealing and reaching for my mug, so I quickly gulped down what was left and gave it to him. He entertained himself for almost an hour, picking up the mug, putting it down, bringing it to his mouth, putting it down, picking up his sippy cup and placing that inside the mug. Listening to his own babbles echo inside the mug as he held it to his mouth and laughing more at how silly it sounded. It was adorable.

Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, let me repeat that the mug was empty. I am not giving my 14-month-old child any more coffee than the small amount that was clinging to the sides of the cup, which was not even enough to cause a drip out of the mug as he turned it upside down and waved it around.

So my son is learning to drink coffee or that coffee drinking is what adults do or something. I have no idea how he's processing this information at this point. When he finally gets over how excruciatingly disgusting coffee is (somewhere in the teenage years), he'll start drinking coffee too. The coffee growers of the world should be thanking me for ensuring their continued business.

The Best Breakfast in the World

2007-03-17T09:19:00.000-06:00

...is bacon, eggs, hash browns, and toast. Coffee is a given.

I defy anyone to claim otherwise.

"Luke, I am your [SPOILER]."

2007-03-15T11:11:00.000-06:00

Ok, other bloggers need to stop talking about stuff that I think about. This time it's Star Wars.

Many times, Jake and I have discussed what it would be like to watch Star Wars without knowing Luke's true paternity. I mean, how shocking must that have been to be sitting there in the theater in 1980, eating your popcorn, watching Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker battle it out, and then? Vader's big announcement!

Fuck, man. That must have been really fucking cool. I just wish I could experience that thrill once, but alas, I think I've just always known.

If I can't live it myself, I will live it through my child. Yes, he's only 14 months old now, so give me a couple years. To all of you who know me in real life: please do not tell my kid that Vader is Padme's babydaddy.

Briefly, on being a stay-at-home mom

2007-03-15T10:48:00.000-06:00

I haven't actually seen Little Children yet. It's on my list. I hadn't even heard of it until Kate Winslet was nominated for the Oscar for her performance, but then one day I found myself on the movie's website watching the trailer, and I wanted to see this movie.

And now I want to see it even more. That's a really well-written essay about what it's actually like to be a mother and have ambitions outside your children's lives. I am recently discovering a whole contingent of people whose feelings on topics like staying home to raise your kids are similar to mine. Should I stay home or go to work? I've often thought to myself that if I had a career to go back to, I'd be at work in a heartbeat.

Unfortunately my lack of an attention span has prevented me from finding a niche for myself in the working world (I could write a book on all the careers I've considered, but I'd lose interest two paragraphs in), and now I am at home with my beautiful, amazing son. It's a little soul-sucking at times, honestly. At other times it's mind-blowingly awesome. Listen, I'm not trying to get deep here. Most of the time it's just normal everyday life. I'm not depressed or miserable, and it doesn't mean I don't love my son. I am perfectly normal, and what I'm trying to say is that I bet even those "perfect moms" hate their lives some days. If you don't understand what I'm saying, I encourage you to read the essay I linked to up there (which is of course why I linked to it in the first place). Bottom line: it's not an all-or-nothing proposition - a woman can be happy and be a mother and love her child and at the same time sometimes long for something different, whatever that may be. More women need to admit this to themselves and to each other, and if they did, a lot of moms might not feel so bad or so alone about whatever choices they've made.

Garrison Keillor is a Jerk

2007-03-14T15:11:00.000-06:00

This is Garrison Keillor "stating the obvious." By obvious, he means grossly offensive and ridonculously hypocritical.

And this is Dan Savage actually stating the obvious, which is that Garrison Keillor is grossly offensive and ridonculously hypocritical. Dan did a spectacular job of sticking it to Keillor's grossly offensive and ridonculously hypocritical ass, so I most highly recommend you read that. I want to talk about something else. I want to talk about The Good Old Days.

From Keillor's article:

Everyone had a yard, a garage, a female mom, a male dad, and a refrigerator with leftover boiled potatoes in plastic dishes with snap-on lids. This was before caller ID, before credit cards, before pizza, for crying out loud.

Umm, not everyone had a yard, a garage, a female mom, and a male dad. Case in point: my maternal grandfather lost both of his parents by the age of 9, was raised by his older brothers, and lived in an apartment in Brooklyn. I'm betting there wasn't a yard or a garage. Ok - but he was the son of immigrants, and you know how we feel about immigrants in this country. Fine, let's look at the other side of the family: my white, English-speaking, Midwestern-American-born grandfather? Yeah, his dad ran out on the family. From the time my grandpa was old enough, he was helping to support himself and his mother. Is that the traditional family to which Keillor is referring?

Keillor's article makes me so mad my head is going to explode. Not just because I support gay rights, gay marriage, gay families, gay people, etc., but because I hate the good old days. I hate Tom Brokaw and his greatest generation cock-sucking. If you really want to ruffle my feathers, start talking about how great life was before the age of pharmaceutical giants and cell phones and drive-thru windows. And the way kids dress today! To talk to these people, you'd think nothing bad ever happened prior to 1975.

For those individuals, a sampling of bad things that happened prior to 1975, just off the top of my head, in no particular order:

The Holocaust
World War I
World War II
The Kennedy assassination
The Spanish Flu
The sinking of the Titanic
The Great freaking Depression (sigh, bread lines just aren't what they used to be)

Not to mention all the "little" bad things that happened on a daily basis pre-1975 - all the rapes, murders, and fraudulent behaviors that weren't big enough news stories to make it into the history books. (Notice I didn't go further back in time than the early 20th century - you know, the good old days. I mean, everybody knows life sucked before then.)

I'm not trying to say life was a living hell back then and it's a wonder anybody made it through. Some really great things happened pre-1975. I don't have to list them for you. The bottom line is that life isn't any worse today than it was before. Despite all the technology and other sundries of modern living that so irk the older generations, life is pretty much the same, and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is full of shit.

By validating the warm fuzzy feelings old people get by complaining about "kids today," people like Garrison Keillor are cheapening MY life, which despite the fact that I have a child, is not over (an assertion which, bizarrely, bugs Keillor as well). Both my son and I have a lot of great things to look forward to, but for now, I'm really into 2007.

Besides decrying gay families and fondling the good old days (no, not a typo), Keillor also briefly rails against immigration ("Only about six kids looked anything like the kids I went to school with, and of those, three were Croatian."). This guy gets air time on NPR? WTF? Have I completely misjudged NPR listeners? Do they split their time between All Things Considered and Rush Limbaugh?

I should note that not all old people are Old like Garrison Keillor. My husband's wonderful, beautiful, totally awesome grandma enjoys a trip down memory lane as much as anybody, but I have never once heard her say anything about "kids today" or complain about technology taking over the world. She was an oops baby, so her mother would have been older than her friends' mothers. When I asked her if her mother ever seemed old, Grandma said to me, "No, she wasn't old. She was, you know, she was like me!"

And that's the kind of old person I want to be.

Blogging Spring

2007-03-14T13:44:00.000-06:00

The snow is finally gone. Last Friday there was over 18 inches of the stuff, dirty and disgusting, taking up space in the streets to park, reminding us all just how miserable the weather has made us.

Over the weekend, as many of you around the country surely noticed, there was a warm-up, and now the snow is gone. The baby actually got to go outside for the first time in months. He laughed at the breeze on his fuzzy little head, and then laughed some more at the sound of his voice echoing outside. He twisted his whole little body around to watch as each car drove down our residential street. He wrapped his tiny little hands around my index fingers, and we walked down our sloped driveway to the sidewalk. He liked the puddles, but soon realized that more fun than dragging mom through puddles was making me hunch over him and hold his hands while he walked up the hill of our driveway... and back down again. And up... and down. More than once I had to stop him because my back had locked up and I wasn't sure I was able to stand up straight anymore. But I didn't mind. He was having the bestest time ever in, well, in his whole entire life. Being 14 months old and getting to experience spring after being cooped up for months has got to be the greatest thing ever. I have a feeling we'll go through the same experience next year as well. It's pretty cool stuff.

Also new this spring? Daffodils! Or maybe those are tulips. I don't exactly remember where we planted what, but I'm told daffodils come up first, so as far as I know, they're daffodils.
Beautiful as that tiny little bud is, it's causing me a bit of grief. There's a lot of them, including a whole row of them along the side of the house, and tomorrow night, it's supposed to freeze. Which means I have to find an old sheet or something to protect them, and I'm probably going to have to do this nearly every night for at least the next month.

Still, it'll be totally worth it to watch it grow bigger and taller and eventually bloom! Last spring, I remember taking a lot of walks with the baby and admiring all the daffodils and tulips people had planted. This year is my year! This year my house will have lots of pretty flowers too!

Arkansas's possessive legislation

2007-03-14T10:15:00.000-06:00

It's not often grammar and punctuation make it into the news, so as a grammar geek, I feel compelled to blog when it does.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ... the Arkansas legislature! That's right, kids - it seems back in 1836 when Arkansas was granted statehood that no one could decide exactly what the possessive form of the state was. Ordinarily in the cases of words that end in "s," I recommend a lone apostrophe be added to the end of the word. However, the "s" at the end of Arkansas is silent. The legislature (170 years later) has decided that an apostrophe and an "s" be added to the end of the word, and I am inclined to agree.

And now that my opinion is out there, I'm sure Arkansas's legislature is breathing a little easier.

A note on ID verification for the purposes of procuring alcohol

2007-03-13T14:21:00.000-06:00

I bought a bottle of delicious zinfandel today. I also bought bananas, peanut butter, cream cheese, bagels, and a brownie mix, but there aren't laws concerning my right to purchase those things, so they're not important to the story.

Let me say that I really, truly, honestly do not mind when the cashier asks for my ID. It can be a little tricky with the baby trying to climb out of the cart or out of my arms, but nevertheless, it doesn't bother me. Today's experience, however, was an exception to that rule.

I have no idea what this cashier's problem was. She didn't just ask for my ID. She stuck her nose in the air and slowly spelled out her orders, all while I was still unloading my shopping cart (while holding a squirming baby). I ignored her until I was finished, pushed the cart ahead of me to the bagger, and pulled out my wallet. I fished, one-handed, underneath a debit card to retrieve my ID, handed it to the cashier, and pulled out my credit card (I put everything on credit to get the points and pay it off each month). I ran it through the credit card thing and put it away (all one-handed!).

She was still studying my ID. Ok, I get it. I'm 25. Since the rule is that everyone who looks under the age of 30 should be carded, I expect to be carded. Like I said before, I don't mind being carded. But this woman? I don't think she quite believed it was my ID. She sniffed and asked to see my credit card.

Are you fucking kidding me? I've got a baby on my hip seconds from meltdown. The photo on my ID was taken 6 months ago. The glasses are the same. The hair is essentially the same. Yes, it's a crappy photo, but they're all crappy photos. One-handed, I pulled my wallet out of my pocket. One-handed, I sat it on the counter. One-handed (and while fending off the baby who at this point wanted to play with the wallet), I pulled my credit card out. She looked at it. She turned it over. She looked at it some more. She looked at me.

Finally she handed both cards back. She finished the order, I scribbled my name on the signature pad, and we left.

I was a cashier in high school. My dream was to actually deny somebody cigarettes or alcohol, to one day catch somebody who was too young. It never happened. Oh well.

Just in time for Spring!

2007-03-13T14:07:00.000-06:00

Area Pagan Dreading Big Family Vernal Equinox Celebration

...and you thought only you hated family gatherings.

The People in My Family

2007-03-13T11:29:00.000-06:00

Digging up all this genealogical goodness over the past week has been a lot of fun. For now, however, I seem to have hit several brickwalls. Overcoming them means (a) requesting documents (none of which are free!) from various counties in several states and/or federal agencies; or (b) traveling to various counties in several states visiting libraries and cemeteries. There is a third option, but it involves learning several languages (none of which are French) and traveling to several central and eastern European countries, which would be WAY fun, but is at this juncture at least a little impractical. So, in no particular order, the things that I have learned:

Before settling in New York, my great-grandfather first tested the waters in Rio de Janiero. After deciding that wasn't for him, he went back to Italy, picked up my great-grandmother, and the two of them made their way over here.
My great-great-grandfather was from Poland or Germany or Russia or... somewhere. Ok, this is one of the brickwalls I've hit. We don't know exactly where he was from or what his name was. The theory is that he left the country and changed his name to avoid conscription. As for what country he was from, well, Poland moved around a lot during the 19th and 20th centuries, and it all depends on what town he lived in, and oh forget it.
That same great-great-grandfather couldn't read or write. According to my grandma: on their wedding day, my great-great-grandmother gave him a prayer book as a wedding gift. She realized then he was pretending to read from it when she saw the book was upside down.
The 1930 census taker was a lazy jerk who didn't bother writing down that my grandma and her parents were living in the same house as my great-great-grandparents. Jerk.

And other assorted fun items. For now I'm trying to get a copy of one great-grandmother's birth certificate in an attempt to find out at least who were mother was, maybe her father as well. Trouble is, the register of deeds downtown takes cashier's checks and money orders - no personal checks. They do take credit cards, but they charge a - get this - $32.50 fee in addition to the charge for the document(s) you want. I hope they take cash because I am far too lazy to go get a money order or cashier's check.

On the bright (and totally free) side of things, the federal government doesn't charge veterans or their next of kin for their military records. However, since I'm not technically my grandpa's next of kin, I have to run over to my grandma's house to have her sign this form before I can get the papers. I much prefer instant online gratification to mailing and waiting and driving places and communicating with people. Pfft.

Vagina.

2007-03-08T15:06:00.000-06:00

Vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina.

VAGINA.

Arm.

Arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm.

ARM.

I fail to see a difference. I did say arm like twice as many times as I said vagina. However, I do have twice as many arms as I do vaginas, so.

Can people just grow the fuck up already?

Family Tree Whatnot

2007-03-08T10:49:00.000-06:00

The other day Jake was searching online for various family names but kept coming up with the same couple of guys (a Confederate general and a beverage inventor) who he already knew about. I think probably he was hoping for a Union general or something, somebody who wasn't a complete bastard or isn't responsible for the rotting teeth of America's youth.

Anyway, he got bored and started typing in random names from my family tree, and lo and behold, he totally found something! A very nice woman named Debi apparently has spent quite a bit of time piecing her family tree, and it turns out I'm on it. Or technically, my grandpa is on it. She didn't have anything after him. If I calculated correctly, I think she's my third cousin once removed, or some such relation so far off we're not even related anymore.

So I've spent the past few days entering each person in her tree into my Family Tree Maker program. She offered to just email me the file, and I probably will eventually ask her to do that to fill in anybody I've missed (I'm nowhere near done, and my family file has gone from just under 400 people to over 1200). I am having so much fun though entering each person individually though. She's got biographical information on many of them. For example, two of my great-great granduncles fought for the Union at the Battle of Vicksburg, kicking the ass of Jake's Confederate General who was also there. There was also a guy who fought in the Revolutionary War. I haven't gotten into him much yet, so I can't say for certain yet whose side he was on.

The most tragic stories came from my great-grandmother's family. The short version is that her brother poisoned himself with strychnine, and a few days later (the reason for which remains sort of unclear) her brother-in-law shot himself in the head with a revolver. This all happened about 13 years before my grandpa was born, and my dad said he'd never heard anything about it. I wonder if my grandpa knew about it at all - that's the type of thing no one talked about back then. Plus, the whole experience must have been horribly traumatic, and my great-grandmother may have just not wanted to go back there.

Entering all those names with their birth dates and death dates, I've been wondering a lot about who these people were. I've been thinking about all the funerals my grandpa must have attended - for old people and young people alike. My favorite factoid yet? My great-great grandmother (that's my grandpa's grandma) was still alive when my father was born in the fall of 1944. She died the following spring at the ripe old age of 95, but I really like to think she was thrilled at the news of her newest great-grandchild. It's fun stuff.

Are you going to SXSW?

2007-03-05T10:16:00.000-06:00

Because apparently Liam Finn is. If you see him there, snap a picture or even better, record his show!

Puzzles are way fun, yo.

2007-03-05T09:49:00.000-06:00

Howdy kids! Hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was fantastic, thanks. Not only has the baby started walking, he's been in a great mood (perhaps due to the fact that he finally figured out the whole walking thing). On Friday night my cousin and his wife came over for dinner (hand-shredded chicken and personally deep-fried tostadas, thankyouverymuch). We drank a lot of wine, which was great because I hadn't had any wine in a while. Saturday morning I was not so happy with myself, but Jake made a scrumptious breakfast of bacon, scrambled eggs, and hash browns, and that made me feel better. I decided my head hurt too much to read or blog or listen to music or do just about anything besides... a puzzle!

Let me just say that I have been thinking about doing a jigsaw puzzle since before the baby was born. I've got over a dozen of them (a couple unopened) in the basement. Trouble was, while I was pregnant I didn't have the stamina, and afterward, well, if you've had a baby, you understand why afterward I just couldn't. Anyway, so I went downstairs, picked out a lovely 1000-piece puzzle of the Golden Gate Bridge and set to work on the dining room table. I finished it Sunday morning and jonesing for more, I this time chose one of the unopened puzzles - a fancy one (you know the kind with the sturdier pieces) of Van Gogh's A Sower at Sunset. Since yesterday morning, I've got the man and the tree basically finished:

Really, what this all serves as is a distraction from this UNENDING WINTER. No snow for today (thank god), but 1-2 inches expected by the end of tomorrow (sigh).

Where is the warm weather that Punxsatawney Phil promised us? Stupid lying groundhog.

Confidential to the gentleman from Indonesia.

2007-03-01T16:11:00.000-06:00

You know who you are. If you are going to search the internet for "virginity pic," searching Blogger is a really weird place to start. (Actually, who am I to assume it's a start?)

Also, not to get all judgy, but: ew.

Yoga Pant Awesomeness

2007-03-01T15:39:00.000-06:00

Did you know that March comes in like a lion? In case you didn't believe that, let me just mention that I woke up this morning to a snow storm and now 9 hours later, it is raining really hard. It's washing away the snow on the driveway, so that makes me happy.

Know what else makes me happy? My awesome new yoga pants! They're actually the right length! (Meaning they're only like an inch too long. :)) And they were a two-pack deal at Sam's Club - yes, I got two pairs of yoga pants that not only fit but are stylish as well for like $19 and change. Wanna see a picture? I bet you do!

Ignore the idiot expression on my face, "casual" arm placement, and bad posture and instead gaze upon how freaking thin I look! And they make my legs look longer? That's not a camera trick, people.

One of the best things (ok, the only nice thing) about maternity pants is the fold over waistband many of them come with. I have several times longed for the cute foldover waistband of maternity pants in my regular pants. And now! Look! That light blue area on my hips is a foldover waistband! I love everything about these pants. (Caveat emptor: I am 5'2". If you any taller than, say, 5'3", I don't recommend these pants unless you're looking for capris.)

So in taking the above picture, I learned to use my camera's self-timer function. Very handy. For your viewing pleasure, below is a slightly less lame picture of moi. (Hey, what a great looking shelf that is...)

Shrine to Virginity

2007-03-01T11:29:00.000-06:00

Blogger should have trackback technology, folks. I feel dirty blogging someone else's blog without notifying them via trackback. But I'm gonna do it anyway:

While perusing my friend Georgy's livejournal friends page (I was bored, it was a "came from" link in my statcounter), I came across this blog entry by one of her friends.

I don't know this person and won't be a jerk and steal that person's pictures, but you really must go look at them. Apparently once upon a time in New Mexico some crazy people scrawled their craziness on a 20-foot wall and called it a Shrine to Virginity.

Such was their crazy that they did not believe in PROCREATION. A favorite quote off the wall: "Blessed are they who do not bring children into this world etc." Etc.? What, were they too tired to finish that particular thought? Because given the rest of the crazy on the wall, they really didn't seem like they were the types to just assume we're capable of filling in the blanks.

Thank you for sharing, friend of Georgy and person who I do not know!

Remember when Lost was good?

2007-03-01T09:45:00.000-06:00

Or, Reason 482 why I've just about lost my patience with TV.

Is it just me, or is everyone else who watched Lost last night demanding an hour of their lives back? I'd ask for my money, but that shit was free. If you really hate yourself, you can watch it here.

-------Bla, bla, spoilers, not that it matters because it was crap-------
I'll give them one more week, but if they pull that crap again next Wednesday, I'm done. Hurley had some flashbacks about his daddy issues, his crazy mama, and his curse. He found an old VW bus with a dead guy inside (he was rather glib about this - NOT the Hurley from previous seasons, but hey, maybe he's grown or become desensitized or whatever) and decides that he must get it started. Just 'cause it's fun, which is fine, but Hurley, if you want people to join in your fun, yelling at them and throwing a hissy fit isn't the way to do it.

Kate and Sawyer return to the beach, and everyone's happy to see them except me. I don't understand why Kate won't just die already. Her stupid impulsive one-track mind is going to get her killed one of these days, or at least I can dream. Sawyer, plied with beer, helps Hurley with the white whale, err, bus.

Kate leaves the beach as soon as she's gotten there (thank god), telling Locke and Sayid that she's going to get Jack, and she's heading into the jungle to find the only person on the island who can help her. They act all, "Wha??? Who could she possibly be talking about???" I don't like it when writers treat me like I'm stupid. Kate, who is stupid, doesn't realize that Locke and Sayid have been following her. She has a torch. They each have a torch. And they've somehow managed to hide from one another in the pitch black jungle with fire held high above their heads? Anyway, they see each other. Sayid appears not to know where in the jungle they are. Uh-huh. Yeah, he seems like the absent-minded type who forgets things like that. Rousseau appears (hey, look, we're in Rousseau's neighborhood! What an awesome coincidence! Wait... I think maybe Kate was heading here the whole time!) and makes like to shoot the three of them. *sigh* Sayid reminds everyone (because they've all got their guns drawn) that they've all met before and shouldn't shoot one another. Good plan. Kate tells Rousseau she thinks Alex is her daughter. The announcement is made all dramatically as if the audience watching didn't already know. Blessedly, the episode ends.

-------End "spoilers," as if anyone cares-------
So that's it. There were some commercials, not that I paid attention to them, and Jake and I had ice cream floats. The ice cream was a little frostbitten. Oh well.

Let's end this bitter post on a high note, though. In no particular order:

I hung a shelf yesterday, people.
I got in contact with an old friend from high school. It's funny how people change and yet don't.
I browned several tilapia in butter, then made a sauce from butter and lemon and poured it over the fish. Then I sprinkled on some pepper, salt, parsely, and red pepper flakes. It was hella good. The baby liked it and the asparagus. He played with the rice. It was cute.
I got another 50 or so pages read of Anansi Boys.
Ryan Adams is releasing a new album this year!

Moby Shelf

2007-02-28T17:47:00.000-06:00

I'm getting really tired of our dining room. It's messy and cluttered all the time because clearly we *want* to use it for things, but it's not a practical room at all. Case in point: the chairs around the table are always weighed down with jackets, coats, and sweaters. And I'm tired of it.

I decided to hang a shelf! It's not that big, but it has two small double-hooks, thus enabling us to hang four items. Plus, we already own it - no money to spend!

First, let me explain that on the back of the shelving unit are two keyholes, spaced 16 inches apart, which meant I had to put two nails in the wall, spaced exactly 16 inches apart and level to one another. By the way, I don't own a level. I went to Jake's workroom, grabbed the hammer and two large nails (though the shelf itself is relatively small and light, I thought large nails were better because the shelf would be weighed down with jackets). This was my first mistake.

The first nail went in without trouble. I inserted the head of the nail into the keyhole in back of the shelf and held it up to check the height and to check where the next nail would need to go. I penciled the wall in several places and set work with Nail #2. Again, no problems. Triumphant, I hung up my shelf. Umm, or I tried to anyway.

Nail #2 was about a centimeter too far to the right. *sigh* Not a problem. The hole will be behind the shelf anyway, right? I pulled the nail out and started hammering it in the proper location. I hammered and hammered and the nail... went nowhere. It didn't move. There was a stud right where it needed to be. Thinking that I was somehow stronger than the stud, I proceeded to hammer the hell out of that nail. And the nail did move, only not how I wanted it to. I managed to make a hole in my wall, about a centimeter in diameter. Back to Jake's workroom where I got the spackle and putty knife.

Because I've never hung anything in my life, I foolishly decided to try again with the nail. This time slightly higher and to the right (I would move Nail #1 after properly installing Nail #2). No dice. Ok, a little to the left? Nope. More spackle.

Determined to fix this problem, I went to google and found this. They were hanging a shell just like mine! Turns out what I needed was self-drilling anchors. We didn't own any of those. I grabbed the baby, and we headed to Home Depot. I even remembered to take the shelf along, just in case.

Home Depot was uneventful - I found the self-drilling anchors on my own and gladly spent the $1.68 to bring them home with me. Once home, it was baby's naptime, but the wall I was working on is the wall in front of his bedroom and thusly his crib. I promised him that once Momma was done, he would have his nap. He sat happily in his highchair, munching away on his organic crunchin' blocks, sipping his milk, and watching his possessed mother go all Captain Ahab on the dining room wall.

The self-drilling anchors were not nearly as self-drilling as the name implied. I went back to the workroom for the power drill. I didn't think it had much charge, but I was sure it would do the job quick enough.

Wrong again. The drill was as ineffective as the screwdriver had been. And then the drill ran out of charge. I plugged it in and put the baby down for his nap.

By this point, my dining room table was covered with a small bucket of spackle, the putty knife, the hammer, two nails, and the small package of self-drilling anchors, not to mention today's mail, two of the baby's jackets, and one lonely plant. I sat down at the computer and did nothing for an hour.

Finally, after the baby woke up, I resumed my battle. This time I put my weight into the power drill, now charged, as it screwed the self-drilling anchor into the wall, and suddenly... suddenly! It moved! It went in the wall!

The second anchor gave me almost as much trouble. I had the brilliant idea to give it a start by hammering one of the nails just barely into the wall to create a guide hole, then drilling the anchor in. It totally worked.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, my shelf of triumph:

Story of O and the open-ended question of consent

2007-02-27T12:05:00.000-06:00

First, if you haven't read Story of O and you plan to, skip the book's introductions - they give away parts of the book (including the ENDING). The "known" facts: Story of O is a book about a woman who becomes her lover's sex slave. As such, she is subjected (among other things) to whipping and is taught to be available for him and anyone he chooses for oral, vaginal, or anal intercourse. Your average chick lit, really.

----------------SPOILERS BEGIN HERE----------------
I don't feel expressly qualified to discuss Story of O at length, but there are few things I feel the need to mention, if only to help myself sort them out.

Regardless of how the reader personally feels about the things done to O and the events that transpired, the question I kept coming back to as I read the book was one of consent. René and Sir Stephen each on several occasions remind O of her free will to, well, give up her free will. We could assume that O was completely sane and cognizant of what she was agreeing to, that she wanted this, in which case there is no question of consent and nothing else to say. Still, her masters are always vague and on at least one occasion (at Samois) she is asked to consent to something very permanent of which she is deliberately only partially informed, that she will be marked anywhere and anyhow Sir Stephen has chosen.

Can a person truly consent to such a thing? She may not have wanted to run away and indeed eventually seemed to relish and take pride in her condition, but why? I read the book trying to read between the lines and find her desire or rebellion, but her primary reactions were almost always rather matter-of-fact. Instead, like the abused child who bullies at school, she starts taking it out on Jacqueline, a friend whom she sometimes seems to love and wants to protect and other times is so frustrated by that she can't wait until she (Jacqueline) is subjected to all the same tortures to which O herself has been subjected. Was this sadistic tendency always within O, or is it a reflection of the sadism of her masters?

Finally, I can't leave this topic without addressing the obvious theme of objectification. Assuming O's consent (which she of course technically gave throughout), she cannot truly be objectified. Yes, objects are possessions, and O was a slave, owned by Sir Stephen and branded with his initials, but by calling her an object, you ignore her subjective choice to become property, and you therefore suddenly become the one objectifying her. That being said, her masters certainly treat her as an object, but that's what their intention is the whole time - they don't actually care about her feelings on the subject and would probably rather she did feel objectified and humiliated, without express knowledge or choice in the matter. I mean, how often do you tell an old lamp that you are selling it in a garage sale? Then again, how often do you derive pleasure from that? Whether we are to feel sympathetic toward O, I'm not sure. The entirety of the work seems not to be up for discussion so much as presented, just as O seems to experience it, as matter-of-fact.

----------------SPOILERS END HERE----------------
I realize that was brief and inconclusive, but how conclusive could I possibly be? I feel a little that I'm coming at this from the wrong angle entirely, that maybe my questions are assuming the book to be something it's not and that's why I have no answers. I'm interested to hear from anyone who has read the book and has, well, any sort of opinion on any facet of it. Let's discuss!

Three Items of Note

2007-02-26T14:17:00.000-06:00

Don't you love it when two of your favorite things are strolling down a metaphorical street, happen to notice each other for one reason or another, and sort of tip their hats to one another? In this case, indie rock and NPR's This I Believe series collide: Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips believes we create our own happiness and is apparently really proud of the 11 years (!) he spent as a fry cook at Long John Silver's. You gotta admire that. You can read or listen to his essay here.

Also, I can't believe I forgot to mention this, but I guest-blogged a few days ago over at alog in response to the Question of the Month, "Tell me about your Hallmark moment." I used it as an excuse to talk about how much I love greeting cards.

Lastly, I started Story of O the other day and plan to finish it today/tonight if my sniffly nose and watery eyes will allow me (I have a cold). Once I'm finished I'll write more-ish on the topic, though with a book like this, it's often the sort of thing I dislike saying much about since I'm sure somewhere in literary journals, theses, and all over the internet, other people have said the same or better things. We shall see.

Absurdist Moments in the Historie of Television

2007-02-26T10:56:00.000-06:00

For your viewing pleasure, Patti Smith (yes, the Patti Smith) singing "You Light Up My Life" on some kids' show c. 1980 (?). The producers of the show, perhaps sensing the absurdity of such a performance at the time and the ironic glee with which hip indie kids would watch it decades later, even got the Academy Award-winning composer of the song to back her up on the piano just to add to the sheer awesomeness:

This is so completely awesome I'm having trouble finding the words. First the frighteningly-square host talks to her briefly, then they take some questions from an audience of kids who are way too excited about Patti Smith. I mean, had they heard much or any Patti Smith ever? Lord knows I grew up listening to Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow, and Tom Jones, but my best friend grew up on Joan Baez and Bob Dylan. My husband tells a story about being a kid and singing along with Cat Stevens' "Hard-Headed Woman." (As the story goes, his mother asked him if he knew what a hard-headed woman was, and he responded, "You are!") Plus, his dad's got one of the best record collections I've had the pleasure of browsing. Moral of the story: not all parents were as unhip as mine (not that there's anything wrong with Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow, or Tom Jones).

More I think this illustrates that you can't be all hip all the time, and that's fine. So if Patti freaking Smith can belt out "You Light Up My Life," then I can clip coupons and still maintain my indie cred. In fact, I think it makes me even indie cred-ier.

Academy Awards: The Aftermath

2007-02-26T09:53:00.000-06:00

Another year and I didn't win anything.

No, wait, you mean I did win something? You mean that for the first time in the history of our relationship (going on 7 years), I beat Jake with more correct guesses on the Oscar ballot than he? That's right - I got 13 categories right compared to his measly 7. Suck it, bitches.

Let's review:

Best Picture - It went to The Departed. I had randomly picked Little Miss Sunshine because it looks more like something along the lines of the movies I tend to enjoy. That should have been my big hint there, I suppose. (Jake picked The Queen, so he was totally wrong too.)

Best Actor - Forest Whitaker, no surprise, bla bla. Jake had picked him as well.

Best Actress - Helen Mirren, again, bla bla. We both picked her as well.

Best Supporting Actor - Jake's one good pick of the night - he totally had Alan Arkin, and he was right. I had Eddie Murphy, and I'm really glad Eddie Murphy didn't win. Speaking of one-trick ponies...

Best Supporting Actress - This was retarded. People may be celebrating Jennifer Hudson's win right now, but it's one of those things that film buffs will look back on in shame. And what was with not thanking Simon, Paula, and Randy? Bad form, Jennifer. Boo. (Jake chose Cate Blanchett to win this category - part contrarian, part wishful thinking, I believe.)

Best Director - Hey, did you hear that Martin Scorsese won an Oscar finally? Did you see that it was handed to him by three other dinosaurs of film? Meh. I haven't seen The Departed, and maybe Scorsese really did do a fantastic job directing. But is this maybe just a little bit of making up for all those times when he maybe should have been given the award? Remember when Al Pacino won for going "hoo-ah!" for an hour and a half? Yeah. (Jake had Clint Eastwood picked for this one - silly Jake, Clint already has like half a dozen Oscars at home, and we're totally bored of him and of any and all films about WWII.)

Let's see, what else can we talk about? Oh yes, Best Original Song - Jake and I had each picked a different Dreamgirls song to win, and despite the fact that I lost this category, I was really thrilled to see Melissa Etheridge win it. Not that I'm like some huge Etheridge fan (though I do have two of her albums), but it's nice to see a song that's not (a) from a Disney movie and (b) some huge production with lots of melisma and dancers in the background.

Otherwise: Al Gore was funny, Nicole Kidman looked stupid, the Italian guy was cool, it was nice to see Jodie Foster, and those silhouette dance people were pretty remarkable, even if they were part of the reason the show kept me up after 11 pm. Oh, and Will Ferrell and Jack Black were hysterical, but that's to be expected. I did wonder though why they didn't mention in their song about how comedy never gets nominated the one comedian there who had taken a dramatic role and been nominated - Eddie Murphy. Meh, I've heard he's a pretty poor sport anyway. Until next year.

Movie Bowl LXXIX

2007-02-25T16:05:00.000-06:00

In case you hadn't noticed, the Academy Awards are tonight. The pre-game show has I'm sure been going on for hours on the E! network, and it's apparently set to start at 6:00 pm CST on ABC with the Barbara Walters show (sponsored by Vaseline - "when you're just not a good enough cameraman to create a soft focus on your own"). You can print out your own ballot here.

As for the movies up for awards this year, I have seen zero. None. Nada. Nil. Not one movie. So, based on what I've heard other people are saying, what movies look good in the tv previews, and what titles sound pretty, here are my picks:

Best Picture - from what some critic was saying the other morning on Good Morning America, this is a toss-up. So, what the hell, how about... umm... Little Miss Sunshine, because it's the movie I'm most likely to see anytime soon.

Best Actor - I'm told Forest Whitaker is a shoe-in for this. I'd rather see Will Smith or Leonardo DiCaprio get it though, mainly just because I've actually seen some of their movies.

Best Actress - Helen Mirren for The Queen. Yes, I know I'm really going out on a limb with this one. Oh wait, you mean I'm not? You mean not even the honorary Oscar is this set in stone? Wouldn't it be cool if there was a huge upset and somebody else won? That would be so cool. But if not, that's cool too. The Queen looks like a pretty good movie.

Best Supporting Actor - I think I heard Eddie Murphy is supposed to tag this one, so there you have it. I don't really care. Djimon Hounsou might be kind of cool to win this, he's like a real actor and stuff, not just somebody who did a knock-off James Brown impression.

Best Supporting Actress - Jennifer Hudson, the girl from American freaking Idol. I mean, I know the award is for the best actress in a specific supporting role, but really? You're going to give an Oscar to a one-trick pony? Whatever. I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time.

Best Director - Again, the GMA critic the other day said Martin Scorsese. I could care less. I didn't see any of these movies. I can tell you though that I hope Clint Eastwood does not win. I do, however, hope he brings his mom, the only living person older than he is. (Wait, is she still alive?)

Best Documentary - Again, remember I have seen NONE of these movies. And I'm betting neither did 85% of the Academy voters (with respect to this category), with the exception of An Inconvenient Truth, which I'm sure will win. Just please, Al, don't say you're running for president. Please, please, please, don't run for president.

Short Film - Animated - One last category, just because I have to note that I am shocked Wallace & Gromit wasn't nominated. Wait, they didn't make a Wallace & Gromit short this year? But, but, they've been making Wallace & Gromit shorts since before film was even invented. They win this category every freaking year. Maybe they'll make a special write-in exception and grant the award to a previous Wallace & Gromit short.

So that's it, kids. The rest of the categories I don't care about, and yet, I'm super excited. I love the Oscars despite the fact that in my life I've only seen maybe 10 Oscar-nominated films in the actual years they were released.

For world peace, etc.

2007-02-25T15:49:00.000-06:00

People, I am *loving* the new of Montreal record, Hissing Fauna Are You the Destroyer?. A few days ago during a show in Vegas, Kevin Barnes of Of Montreal performed NAKED. The photos are completely awesome (and decidedly not safe for work), and oddly not as off-putting as I expected them to be.

So what's better than Kevin Barnes of Of Montreal naked? Kevin Barnes of Of Montreal explaining why he was naked.

Effing brilliant.

I can trace everything worth mentioning back to R.E.M.

2007-02-23T16:08:00.000-06:00

I was obsessed with R.E.M. in high school, and in an attempt to illustrate the massive effect/affect (I have no idea which) they've had on my life, consider this the first in a however-many-I-want series on the completely ridonculous influence a band I hardly ever listen to anymore has had on my life.

We'll start with the hair I never had: I once saw a picture of Peter Buck with parts of his hair dyed purple from henna, and I immediately wanted that (the look *and* the man - I was head over heels for him). Trouble was, I was a cashier at a grocery store in a small Indiana town, and they frowned on outrageous hair styles. Next I moved to San Francisco - land o' free expression, right? Nope, not at the crappy office job I had, or at least I thought at the time. I bet I could have gotten away with it. My boss was an aging hippie who liked to hire, well, a strange mix of people. We really were an odd bunch. I'll talk about them some other time.

Anyway, then several years later back to the Midwest where I had just about everybody fooled into thinking I was a well-mannered, conservative administrative assistant. It wasn't until they wandered into my cube that they got a taste of my out-of-control awesome taste in music. (Which reminds me - I was listening to some awesome new-to-me stuff on The Red Sun Band's myspace page this morning. Go now! Read this pointless crap later.) I did however chop it all off at one point and for a while was sporting a totally hot, perfectly mussed short haircut. Unfortunately that went away after I went for a trim and the stylist clearly forgot that I was, what, like 22-23 years old at the time? She kept giving me this middle-aged church lady cut. And yet I continued to go back to her for over a year. WTF was I thinking?

It's been almost 10 years, people. I still want purple streaks in my hair. Also, I've been thinking I really want a nose or brow piercing. Unfortunately it's a moot point because I am limited by lack of funds. Oh well, a girl can dream...

By the way, I have no idea where I saw that picture of Peter Buck, but if anyone out there has any ideas or has the picture, I would LOVE to see it. Thanks!

Misconception	Explanation
mormon underwear has knee protectors and nipple protectors	Mormon garments do not have knee protectors, or any other type of protectors. Members of the LDS church who are engaged in activities requiring physical protectors of any sort would have to use them just like anyone else.

Misconception	Explanation
you have to wear mormon underwear for life	Since mormon garments serve as a reminder of promises made in the temple, members of the church choose to wear them at all times when it is appropriate. If they didn't it wouldn't serve as a very good reminder! Obviously at times when you wouldn't wear normal underwear (such as bathing or swimming) mormons wouldn't wear their garments.

Misconception	Explanation
mormon underwear helps to discipline young boys against masturbation	First of all, young boys wouldn't be wearing garments. Garmets are only worn after attending the temple (see FAQs). In addition, while mormons believe that masturbation is not an appropriate activity, they learn this in their church classes, not through their underwear.